Hey guys! I'm back at mom's!
so far I've heard/seen from noone, but our family is gonna have a nice new year. I decided against any parties - I'm pooped and mom is all excited about our new-years eve tonight.
the following is to be read at 12:00 or later:
HAPPY NEW YEARS!
Your political compass
Economic Left/Right: -3.00
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.10
mmmmmmmm... gotta love sweet tomatos - or souplantaion as some like to call it.
updates on floor: yeah, ok, so isn't it nice of dad to save the hardest part of the floor for me?? 
that means it's the part with the most cuts... and the most little peices, and the most tiiiime to do. but it's beautiful and we have finaly got the mordor down - I feel like I"m re-living the summer. next we got the kitchen! heh. lol. (nanna anne says: you'll make a great wife someday, you'll be smart and be able to do the floor - greaaaat - shush you)
anthony and I are really very close. you know sometimes I really like having syblings - even if just to remind me there is someone out there who just adores me for no reason and with no proof. it's great.
uuum.. so yeah on to grout while listening to savage garden: fabulous, really.
note to self: when having a headache try to think back to the last time you ate...
alright, so today (still thrus - subtract 3 hours) I had christmas and got many nice, fun presants - as well as gave a few 
we have a good family. and a nice walk in the sun with my puppy...
I also enjoyed the wonderful world of tolkin (with many interluded jokes - it may have been abit too melodramatic for me) but it was a good movie - if long and grossly deviated from the book.
and that's the most energy I have to write tonight! ttyl!
Time of good cheer
Time to give
Time of open joy
Time to sing
Christmas
For me
A time to reach out
And see what love
We have to
Share
Merry Christmas!
(and Happy Holidays)
I can't figure out if I got this thingy to work or not...
it's down there too... but she says the same thing every day...
booya! I'm done! yes! yes! yes!
I'm gonna go do something fun now! like... talk online? aw, man where are my friends!?
ok so I couldnt' sleep, so I got up to write the paper - I'm almost done! aren't you proud?
let me tell you there is nothing like coming back after a whole year and finding that your puppy still remembers and loves you... she's so great!
I gotta get out of the house today- maybe I'll go down to the river...
I'm at dad's!
they are all happy to see me! and I went to the other church, which was nice, some nice kids there... maybe potential friends...
I saw link and aaron today already! we went to the mall and such. it was good.
so yeah things are good - I need more depression in my life it seems. just kidding don't yell at me!
*just a side note: from now till the 31st all my entries are gonna be recorded as three hours later then they actually were - west coast time you see.
holy crud.
I seem to have sooo much more then I even knew. dude. God provides.
I'm just... happy. I have every right to be... but... come on people! Be happy with me! There's so much good in you too! ( you all know I'm talking to you) I want to see others as taken care of as I am, and realize it.
wow... moment of revelation and thanks...
Night Fairy Please rate my Quiz
Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla
basicaly I didn't make any sense according to her results but I like it anyway
Your perfect for me!!!!
Are u perfect for me(girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla
lol... I rock and I can't believe that was a quiz...
You are a lot like me. Have a hug and an ice cream
cone. I bet you'll rate this quiz a 4 or 5 and
check out my other quizzes, won't you.
A totally random quiz with no point but take it anyway
I guess we're alot alike...
brought to you by Quizilla 
You're ELEGANT sexy! You have a tasteful style,
that not only draws attention to you, but gives
you respect. Your style is more graceful than
that of others.
What kind of sexy are you? [For girls only! With Pics! Finally Finished!]
brought to you by Quizilla
well, I'm agast.... yup.
Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
01. I am expecting much of the future.
02. Time seems to fly from me
03. I don't trust myself to take care of myself alone
04. I like coconut.
05. I need to drink more water
06. I know so much Oldies music.
07. Hearing people chew when it’s quiet drives me nuts
08. I had braces for two years – three school pictures
09. I’ve never broken any bones.
10. I tend to overexert myself emotionally
11. I grew up loving Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Star Trek-NG
12. I miss swimming.
13. I love watching the sky during a sunset over the pacific
14. I make excuses for people when they hurt me.
15. I want to help people for the rest of my life any way I can.
16. I have an ring and anklet that I never take off.
17. I love to read.
18. When I was 7, I wanted to be an artist and have a kitten
19. When I was young, I matured too quickly
20. It makes my day to get a letter from someone.
21. Sometimes I just can't please even the people I am closest to.
22. I'm horrible at keeping in touch via e-mail (AIM rocks)
23. I can't wait to go to college - once I pick it.
24. I want to experience
25. I find teenagers to be melodramatic at times when not taken care of.
26. I love my friends as if they were my family.
27. I still remember the one time I truly didn’t stand up for a friend
28. I wish I owned a house now.
29. I have seen my beliefs prove themselves
30. Computers rarely betray me (unless I do something silly)
31. I want at to be known for the love I give
32. Hearing Savage Garden playing over a store radio makes me smile.
33. I have given each of my violin strings a personality
34. Innocence is how you see yourself
35. I have secrets I don’t know
36. I am especially passionate about justice for the good
37. I miss Rainbow Brite. !!!!
38. I think I have flaws no one recognizes
39. I am a Christian Scientist
40. I dream of romance but refuse to expect it
41. I like it when I find I’ve connected with people I didn’t know I had
42. Creating is one of the best things in the world.
43. I adore the contrast between color and black
44. One place that makes me happy above all else is an ocean beach.
45. I don't like to let people down.
46. I don't trust people to stay close to me even if I want them. (outside family)
47. My favorite holiday is Christmas because I get lost in the harmony of the atmosphere
48. I'm afraid of closed minds
49. I get disappointed over self imposed expectations
50. I am not innocent
51. I want the mythical lifestyle of the magical
52. My favorite color is purple
53. I need to hug those who cry inside
54. Knowing the problem isn't enough.
55. I’m excited
56. I actually got mcdonalds today
57. I like to make people laugh. (with surprise wit)
58. I have low discipline for work I hate
59. I love getting mail.
60. I hate letting people down
61. People are selfish, until you show them love
62. Sometimes I need to be caught
63. My personality is shown through a different window for each person
64. I couldn’t commit suicide.
65. My favorite kind of pen is the papermate is flexgrip 12 pt
66. I can charm like a devil
67. I like confidence on boys.
68. I like bright eyes on girls.
69. My first crush seems to have been in preschool
70. The walls of my room are white with glow stars
71. I have weird phases of being cruel, noticing it, and being unable to stop it
72. I have worked to separate my feelings from others
73. Sun makes me want to run through fields with everything beautiful
74. I'm afraid of being adored and hurting that one without knowing it
75. I have a chocolate lab – who remembers me
76. I think writing is fun.
77. "Juxtaposition" is an ubiquitous word
78. I played violin for seven years.
79. I love to sing.
80. I don’t understand how to shop for shoes
81. Most of my friends actually seem to love me
82. I’ve only had one serious relationship.
83. I take each decision as it comes in relationships
84. I find all forms of altering ones mind to be foolish
85. When I was little, I used to throw temper tantrums when I couldn't draw what I saw in my head.
86. I hate lying.
87. I don't see the point of education counting against you if it doesn’t pertain to the rest of your life
88. I tend to procrastinate. More so if encouraged.
89. I'm can be surprisingly stubborn.
90. I like anime.
91. I think education is very important.
92. I don't want to burden you. ever
93. I was trapped by pokemon – gba… 6 hours!
94. I should be doing my Physics homework right now.
95. I was born.
96. I am thrilled with an abundance of twizzlers!
97. I like to be spoiled, but I don't need to be.
98. I love Shakespeare.
99. The first musicals to strike a chord in me was Les Mis and the Messiah
100. I need to be important to something
doodeedoo, jeez I love my firends. where do they come off being so great? and like looking out for me, I've been a pissy poop for the past three days and they still put up with me! still just as worried and kind. thank goodness I got some answers today, I was reaching my limit. gotta love ilex's meddling.
I'm getting all the e-mails for my calsses so I can still turn in my writing assignments ontime. yes, yes, I know - what do I think I"m doing!? I should get extra vaca time! but no... I'm too responsible for that... siiigh
tiz a fun little site with pretty music
Currently Playing: pretty music from interactive card
(yes those are both the same site)
_____________________________________
|
What is Love? "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 . "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 7 If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 . "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 . "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8 . |
~I left out alot, but these ones touched me - ask for the e-mail and it's yours
I bolded my favespending... pending...
why isn't our heat working!? it's flippen cold here!... 58 deg in our house and it has been for three hours... brrrrrr
making mom CDs to give to people for x-mas... I just realized that I could do this for my little brother - both of them infact... sweeeeet... heh heh heh, technology.
another weekend streches before me...
you know I just realized that next week tomorrow I"ll be on my way out to OR! yes! you know my dad managed to pay 10$ for my tickets again... how does he do it?
tonight's the winter concert... I suppose I"ll do alright... I practiced! tho... I'm really really glad I'll have two other first violins there to cover for me.
later!
oh happy days... ok, guys seriously - what am I gonna do about Christmas presants? I have no money! none! The New York trip wiped me out... why do they collect in December? hmmm? I dont understand... ah, well i suppose I'll just have to love everyone all the more and spread X-mas cheer
I am an egale. and I eat turtles.
that was said seriously! the next few months I am going to explore the far reaches of my acting ability so as to clearly protray the emotions, manerisms, thoughts, dreams, and hopes of an egale: ooo! food! eat! yum! have babies! - those are just the rough outlines of the indepth character before me, of course... but! It's great to be going to festival. and I know many didn't make it... still... < shrugg > where's my spirit!?
woooow... why are we here? not phylosophicaly! (psychologically...) thanks hannah... yeah so anyway! there is no reason to be here! we have nothing to do! so I update... heh... hi mom... hannah's correcting quizzes in a weird order and finding that everyone is failing... lol great teaching, hun.
oki! time to go! (afterthought: I am a creature in Creation!) (that's good) (there is a weird kinda poopy feeling around drama for some reason though...< frown >)
lol, I find I get many more people going to my site when I'm happy. maybe it rubs off on people after they read it?
I had a really good day. but I forget what I did. that's fine, so be it.
the date was much fun. saw The Last Samurai, and while I dont really like fighting, it was a great excuse to hide 
. it was actaually a good movie, dispite everyone's dislike of Tom Cruise. then walking in the cold snow... then pizza... then talking... then being late getting home... but just in time to not get in too much trouble.
oki, snow day tomorrow - very good - very very. tho I don't know what I'm gonna do during it. this whole weekend's two days have felt like snow days... I dont really like snow but I like being snowed in. now if I could just get him snowed in with me (yeah right, he has a harder time leaving the house then I do - not that I'm bitter of course)
ack, nothing to do! nothing to write! no where anywhere! <colapses into feetle position in defeat > maybe I"ll go watch a movie. (lol! Will has totally adopted "<>" from me - he even told me he uses it while speaking with hand motions... isn't it funny? how one can effect people without ever actually seeing them? I love it.)
see!? tooooold you people
how appropriate
'cept I lied... cause I know I'm not really a geek, but I love all my geek friends!
but I like him... *later*- lol! I looked at the site alittle longer and found that every single answer is no! the girl who wrote it obviously believes in independence... tho I like the fact that I scored 0%...
POLITICIAN
(Dominant Extrovert Abstract Thinker )
 Carrie |
Like just 5% of the population you are a POLITICIAN (DEAT)--forceful, outgoing, and forward-looking. You are strong-willed and extroverted, so you enjoy interacting with other people. You aggressively pursue your goals. Your creative style of thinking allows you to come up with unusual arguments and original ideas that appeal to others, but behind it all is an analytical mind that never forgets the bottom line. While some might see you as manipulative, your close friends know you are a talented person who deserves the best in life. Whatever. You *are* manipulative. Whether you use your power for "good" or "bad", it's up to you. If you're confused what good or bad means, ask a HEALER. Like EXPERIMENTERS, you have a propensity for cheating. |
doodeedoo. jeez my sunday school class lasted and extra 40 min! it was great.
but see, now there's nothing to do cause everyone is not able to move or do anything since it is still snowing... < sigh > neverending. and link refuses to actually rearrange the weather - curse those false promises...
|
|
so the world is nothing but a pillow of gray, and I would say I was falling if it didn't feel this connected. if I'm falling it's falling with me. silently muted are all the thoughts of those around me. drifting... drifting... I can feel thier icy touches as we glide past eachother, slowly slipping further and further with every dip down. I break past the cloud line now suspended alone. floating... floating... the grownd is soft and smooth below, beconing in blinding white, bobbing nearer with each gust, I snuggle between a few others already resting as part of the whole wonder of it all resting... resting... ~ I was being a snowflake |
aw dang, I lost my focus... had some technical problems and so reverted to myself instead of her. Nothing that can't be fixed with more practice, which I intend to have further on. for now I just really hope I made it in so as to go to Festival... eeka tomorrow!
~oki yes I'm alittle upset... agh someday I will get this whole audition thing down... maybe I'll just do graphics instead - drama for fun - I kinda feel like this was the last straw... but shhh dont tell anyone, I"m not really upset, just kinda let down by myself I guess though I know I can do other stuff well~
aw!!!!! I reverted to default! agahaghahghaghagh!
... *phew*
Hello world! how aret thou? I have absolutly nothing I want to talk about. yet I still manage to talk all the time. it must be one of those hidden mysteries about me... basicly I'm happy. and I'm reveling in it. I'm happy enough to go do my homework when I should! woooow... to actually be happy... this rocks... < sings into the distance >
You should be dating a Gemini 21 May - 20 June This mate is inquisitive, entertaining and charming, liberal, broad-minded and youthful.
Though Gemini has a tendency to be impatient,
gossipy and sometimes irritable, this twin has
the ability to expresses his or her pent up
emotions during sex! ~oh... great...
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
aw! they are crying! (no, I dont actually believe this stuff...)
jeez I'm such a girl.
mom shoved (ok ok not "shoved") the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus at me yesterday... and sadly I am just as much a "women from venus" as any. well, not that that's really bad. at least I know I'm not insane for feeling how I do. you can tell the writer dosen't always know why women act certian ways, because sometimes he states something and then declares "that's just the way they are" or something along those lines. but as long as he gets it right - and knows how to fix - it it's all good. and he does, and I repeat: I'm such a girl! I guess it helps me see that some of the things I would take personaly from a guy aren't to be taken that way at all - nice and relieveing.
ok I had a good day... lol eventually... I was stressed at the beginning of it... heh. shhh I know I'm silly to say the least- but the book says it's ok... that's a new excuse! nononono, I'll be good I promise. eh, I have very little to talk about...
"If honest, he will be in earnest from the start, and gain a little each day in the right direction, till at last he finishes his course with joy." ~S+H
~this qoute makes me feel stonger when I'm scared I'm not doing everything like I should
I had an intense urge to play my violin, and who am I to refuse such an urge? it seems to have helped, I dont feel so confined.
Night Sky Fairy!! You Love the sky and stars. You
are mystic and beautiful. Theres something
about you elegance thet is so calming.
Which Beautiful Amy Brown Fairy Are You? (with pretty pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
there is a surpluse of phones in our house. we have two phones in some of our rooms just because we have no where else to put them. and really they are spaced to be like five paces from eachother, so that while in this one room I can see three and know one is right around the corner. now I ask you: why don't I have a phone in my room!?
ok to finish up the other day's talking about the day before...
after a lovely dinner we all went to got see Love Actually. this is a FABULOUS movie! really really good, great actors, even my brother liked it and mom thought it was going to seem like a girly movie to him. yes, I watch the movie when I'm on a date. don't look at me like that.
our next movie adventure? why, monty python of course! it was jon's frist introduction to the holy grail, and he handled it very well.
then his mom came to pick him up... hehe. she stayed a half hour - it was great. but I think he'd kill me if I said anyting else... he already says I talk to much. 
oki done!
yeah I didn't get to write yesterday so sue me.
but I was sooo busy! well... as busy as one gets on a holiday - as busy as I get, anyway. first! was the outragesly fun adventure of making-myself-really-really-cute/hot-by-dressing-up-because-this-is-one-of-the-only-excuses-I-have-to-do-so. this consisted of my dark purple skirt and shooting sparkles black top, tho my favorite part was the little purple flower I put in my hair... ah the things one finds while cleaning one's room.
the tanksgiving serivce was very good. I always like these better then normal becuase they consist of four sections (rather short ones) and then we get all the testimonies for the whole year. like short ones too (normaly/hopfully) so you hear alot of them. and the church is packed. everyone and their brother comes. it's great, I can't even hear myself sing! tho... that may be because I stand next to my mother
okok, but the good part was our thanksgiving dinner of course. I made the stuffing, chris made the potatos, mom made... everything else (turkey, beans, gravy). Jon brought flan... I didnt' pass the test of liking it, but it was nice. and then we had a lovely din-
-dang I'll finish this later...mom needs the comp
mmm a nice relaxing day.
went to what there was of school today, made my apearance at the rally and then bolted. then I got to enjoy the comforting vastness of a dark shadowy theatre. <sigh
> hey red-head, nice talking to you again - long time. next we headed over to bickfrords for luch-time breakfest type mealness. mmmm. one of the more mellow meals I've had in a while with friends. Ilex noticed and actually got mad at me for not telling her what was up... so I got to vent some of those seemingly dopy things to be mad about to her. I dont like to tell people why I am upset if I think it's a stupid reason. finally the exciting finaly of watching My Cousin Vinny at Joe's house... and napping. heh, like I said! relaxing!
came home to find that the phone mom had been all upset about not working now works. and I got two very nice calls: Annie and Jon. sweet.
HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY ANNIE! I LOVE YOU!
http://people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/insane.html - hehe
I did it in 16 seconds.
I deserved an A-!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!
yes! I rock.
I did it in 5 seconds.
I deserved an A++!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!
ooo oki now I rock ultimate
Ancient Realities
Carrie Joyce
After accessing ancient artifacts,
Bertha bended her book befuddled.
Curiously, Collin had convinced her Cleopatra
Desired donkeys delivered directly to
Eat. Evidently erroneous: evidence
Foretold feasts filled with fish!
Gingerly gulping back her disgust, the girl
Hurriedly hauled her handbag home.
Ignoring interesting illusions, she
Judged jumbled jokes while jumping past
Kids kissing kittens. Colin kept
Leading and leaving her lost, liking that it
Made her mad. Her many moments spent musing over
Numerous, nearly nameless,
Oddities, often ended in obscurity.
Perhaps her perception predicted this
Quirk of not questioning quick,
Ridiculous recitals from rascals.
Strangely she simply
Trusted tales told to her,
Until the ubiquitous facts ushered away the unreal for
Valid visions of veracity.
With each whomp her whim becomes more whilom. Like a
Xebec existing in excruciating conditions,
Yielding to the yanks, she yearns for the youth that
Zooms off in a zigzag with each passing zephyr.
you like? I wrote it for english. this is considered an essay... I love my english class...
AGH! ok, I know what I have to do... so dont worry I'm fine.
what happened today? um... I think I went to school and looked like I was attentive.
eh, this week isn't gonna be one of my more focused weeks, seeing as it's only for two and a half days. ew, I'm not going to the rally. ew! I just realized I"ll have to sing, but then I'm hiding. who's with me?
enjoyed theorizing about teasing being better then actual "contentment" with JR today. very silly.
do de do. I'm finally free! I'm free! hahahaha! stuck with happy Carrie again! I gotta get me a convertable...
Rapier
What kind of Sword are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
took that for Link, he made it. not to bad a result either.
good morning! whoa I'm in a good mood. still alittle upset - and it's cause I still dont' really feel all that important to anyone or for anything, but I know that's not true, and I'll figure it out soon enough. 
nevertheless! I'm in a good mood. and I dont' know what to do with it. probably just enjoy it.
ever had one of those times when you are waiting and waiting and waiting for something and then - exasperated - you finally declare "why wont' such and such just get here!?" and then it appears. so you think to yourself "why didn't I say that earlier?" I think it goes to show you just how self-centered people's minds are. because you only have your perception of the world, so everything around you relates to yourself. this leaves you with the feeling that you are what made that such and such come when it did, when really it had nothing to do with you. ah the weirdoness of the mind.
oki! great! I really do feel good. maybe you can get used to being pointless? shhh! I'll get though this soon, I promise.
|
I am the Charmer Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple; they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem. Symbol: The Mirror. Your spirit holds a mirror up to others. When they see you they see themselves: their values, their tastes, even their flaws. Their lifelong love affair with their own image is comfortable and hypnotic; so feed it. No one ever sees what is behind the mirror. |
polite_society
... but I'm true to myself! I swear!
Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone. "When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face." The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
I don't know if I really liked the quizzes I took today - as true as they might be
who am I and what have I done with myself?
this is a Brown-Bear moment.
oooo! sweet I get $100 for publishing an article and I didn't even know I was gonna get paid!
and that's what this entire entry is dedicated to. gloating, rejoicing, and basking in greatness... oki I'm done. no wait.... ok! really done now.
I'm not sure if that's good or bad...
Idiot's Guide to a Baloney sandwich - just seeing if I know how to get these link things to work yet... and it's funny
Muted Faith - cool, and entertaining humor/quizzes/etc.
*sweet it works!*
How silly is this? I'm sitting at my computer wearing a hat to keep the sun out of my eyes. I do believe we need a shade for this window. I dont' believe we will get one. instead, we shall be finishing our basement soon, so it should be lending itself to countless hours of teenage fun in the near future. yay for heat!
I'M GOING TO DAD'S FOR CHRISTMAS! ooo I'm so excited. it will be the second one I remember with him. and the first with my syblings. and I miss two days of school. it's all good.
...sometimes it feels like I never see him. well when I expect to, I dont'. and then there are surprise times when I find myself only with him. I gotta stop thinking ahead. If I live in the moment I'll do better. that way I won't expect anything. and then I won't be dissapointed. and I'll be happier where I am. I gotta remember to bring reading material to tonight's show - backstage is oh so exciting when everyone is either on or playing intense violent card games. (sarcasm - in case you can't hear my voice)
I now have a tally of 8 people who say they love my voice - just the voice itself. As well as a good 5 people who enjoy saying/singing my full name - complete with middle and my two last ones. these are just some stats that seem rather odd to me. tho few compliments are odder then: "you have really nice teeth and/or eyebrows."
ah, yes, thank you...
*told you I'd write again today
You're responsible, sweet, gentle and lovable! You have a loving heart, a great respect for all creatures (human, great and small), and the ability to see the thing that makes each individual special. However, you tend to overlook the things that make you special, and thus, putting you in a position to be pushed around by others. Take some time everyday to reflect on your qualities, and see that you don't have to please everyone and still be loved for who you are. Which Love Hina Girl Are You?
hmmm... now if I only knew what Love Hina was...
oki so it wouldn't let me do anything to my blog yesterday!
Opening night - we did well. there were the typical messups on any opening night, but overall it was good. I didn't get that excited buzz tho.
Last night - we did better. the actors seemed to have really got it down. everyone loved it. yay. I still didn't get that excited, in fact I had that screwed up feeling of pointlessness.
I now know I don't like to direct. I have no wish to ever do it again. the grownups I know who like to direct dont' quite understand. they just give me a look and say "huh - interesting." fine with me. I want to act tho. I want to act so badly. looong time no act. maybe next year I'll get to again cause our seniors will be gone. for now I am taking the acting class.
I'm getting a C+ in physics, dispite my best efforts. agh! I'm just upset about it, tho I'm finding it probably won't ruin my life too much. I did make a fabulous design in graphics, always reassuring to refresh the knowledge of my talent, even if it took me a term to do so.
I love my drama company. I love all of them - the people that is. sometimes they can be mean... people do do that (and it stinks), but most often people are just good. at least what I see, that's why I get so shocked when they aren't. After the play last night, I was just tired of being hollow (that horrible empty feeling that I had all day). I finally cried, and those who saw me were just so kind about it. I ended up going to the dinner after (79!!!! of us at Ruby Tuesdays: $500!!!! with $100+ left for tips) and it was just great. I love them.
so! there's the entry I wanted to write last night, who knows I have all day with little to do, I may write more.
ok liz you made sense... here's me honoring "sometimes the journey is long" since I have now changed it
I am sorry M'Lord. I did not know it was you.
Please forgive my ignorance, and accept this
gift from your humble servant.
teehee, I'm a vampire... mmmm blood sounds good right about now... come closer... (ilex- looks like you were always right)
and then did some lovely set building. Me: you are sad
Oliver: no, I am a happy entity
Me: you dope
Oliver: Do you mind if I tell other people: Carrie said I dope.
aaah the joys of online AI...
|
Conscious self |
Overall self |
 |
 |
| type | score | type behavior motivation |
| 2 | 17.5 | I must be helpful and caring to get what I want. |
| 9 | 16.5 | I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to get what I want. |
| 1 | 14.5 | I must be perfect and good to get what I want. |
| 4 | 11.5 | I must be insecure and/or special to get what I want. |
| 7 | 11.5 | I must be energetic and entertaining to get what I want. |
| 3 | 10.5 | I must be impressive and successful to get what I want. |
| 8 | 10.5 | I must be strong and in control to get what I want. |
| 5 | 6.5 | I must be knowledgable and independent to get what I want. |
| 6 | 3.5 | I must be secure and safe to get what I want |
alright! alright! sheesh hannah! but then, I feel loved, or at least interesting.
rar. what a messed up day. I don't know wether to be happy or sad, and I think it's cause I'm tired again. but I'm working on it. I made it home! I'm happy with me. You can tell Cathy people loved the hat she gave me.
I know people can be annoying. and I know I've had hard times with some, but then, sometimes they can really surprise you. I learn the coolest things about other people when I find myself left and only able to talk to them, rather then the ones I know already. not that I don't love those too! it's just cool. obviously i'm reflecting on a specicic moment today, but it was nice. good to see how decent most people are.
Uplifting stuff:
Natalie Merchant:
I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
Laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience
And with faith
She'll make her way"
Dar Williams:
Love took a long time, it followed me here
And it landed on light feet, and it whispered in my ear
Love spoke of my past as a valuable test
And smiled, and said she who loves last loves best
'Cause you know life is hard, but now you also know your mind,
So now you're going out to love, but on your own side this time
Where you still think of famine, and you still dig up train fare
And you won't mind the wrinkles, 'cause you know how they got there
I love both those lyric paragraphs. Enjoy.
ever had one of those days when that which you really want to happen is completely blocked by - well lots of other stuff and/or people? agh. really. I'm grumpy now... maybe half priced candy corn will help...
***
AGH! I am seriously not doing well today! I did get candy corn, but it's disgusting! muh, I got the bad kind. and I'm mean. and I'm tired, but I have to work. and the work should be fun! it's creative writing for goodness sake... jeez.
I can think of good things, so I'm not that far gone... he liked his book that's good. and my project was moved farther off... and the competion peiece sounds really cool. and (just for hannah) I had a good hair day... etc... heh, I kinda feel better, even tho those are small. I once read somewhere that a study was done showing a person cannot be grateful and unhappy at the same time. thought that was cool.
oki, back to work.
music: I don't know if I really want to do that... I think it would be rather interupting for other people looking, but! if there's a way to load it without making it play when the people enter my site, that would be cool. that way I could share the stuff I really like with you guys!
Happy Halloween!
I went trick or treating! hehe. NO! I'm not too old! and YES! I still dress up! I took three little kids with me this year, they just moved here and their neighborhood is not nearly as good for trick or treating as ours. it was fun! they were great. the little girl wearing "snow white's winter dress" happily held my hand the whole time, her older brother was speedy and dashed ahead in his muscled up sipderman costume- making sure not to step on the grass like I told him,and her younger brother was really sweet as he worked to remember my name was "carrie" (really that's my family name) not "Lolo" (what he thinks my mom's is).
I got three secret ghosts today! thank you dan! thank you danny! and of course my lovely conscience, thank you! tho this did mean I was eating candy all day. and I just got a ton more. but hey! it's all good. mmmmm... I need salt now...
ooo I think Chris got some Doritos... maybe he'll give me one... or two... or the whole bag... mmmmmmm...
********
OK! WE COUNTED! READY!? ......... we got...... 396 peices of candy tonight! YUM! (that includes the Doritos bag, which I am finishing even as I type)
yeah, I'm an idiot. yesterday, while chastizing myself in physics for the meany I am to Angel sometimes, I banged my head on the desk. but it was harder then i enticipated. damn gravity. so today, I cleverly wore a hat which applyed pressure to that exact spot all day... ow. owowowow. lol.
overall a good rehersal. I was a very useful engine. I have a question for people. if you knew that you shouldn't talk backstage, that that was bad, and people could hear you... wouldn't it be quite obvious that singing would be bad!? I mean, duh. and then why would you argue with the asst director when she said she could hear you? why would she come to talk to you if she hadn't!? Muh.
hannah gave me "crud" about yesterday's entery... yeah I know... but I think it's better then nothing.
so! to wrap up! today was really long! and I'm really feeling it. I gotta start listening to myself when I say it's bed time... <pats own head> I'll get it evenutally... or not. oki, ttyl!
ok, hannah, it's 5:45 and I think I'm getting back my neuron activity.
ha! i found my diary! yay!
rehearsal felt better for me today, I actually felt I did something useful. I told the fairies what to do and they did it. if there's one thing I learn from this job it's that a cooperative actor is rare and refreshing. and those that are just make the directors happy. I intend to be one of those.
random happy note so I'll stop telling my poor friends about it: I have finally figured out the perfect method to keep my hair acting like it does in the summer. Move to LA! ha! er... no, but! it's all in the art of where one places the conditioner and leave in conditioner. honestly, this is the most work I have ever put into my hair/face/makeup/etc. and I feel rather girly. yet, I love it cause my hair is all nice and play-with-me-like.
I also managed to get an actual A on a research paper... you proud? dont' know how I did it, really. I think it's all those people out there who are positive that I am an A student - thanks!
hum... I have the eruge to go write with a pen. ttyl!
Heyya...
So! I didn't write yesterday, I think I'm loosing a bit of my edge... I plan to write more often then not, however. we'll see...
There's so much to talk about. but I dont' remember any of it. I'm kinda brain-dead at the moment. and if any of you people know why, please, just - shhhh... talk later.
I really need to find my diary. WHERE IS IT!?
Life is good overall. Dan you are being converted, don't pretend you aren't. Ilex has proven to be a magnificant schemer. and etc. She just called... ttyl!
goodness! I did sooo much yesterday...
I woke up at 7:00 (on a sat, ew) and then drove into Boston for the americore "service day". I drove on the Pike! omg! sooo scary! but I did it. gah, mass drivers. I know it's repetitive to say but mass drivers are insane. I guess I shall be too, eventually. I'm gonna be a monster...
well then when we got there we met up with the other people from my mom's work who we were going with. Cathy let my try on her hat and then said I should keep it cause it looked so cute... hehe. I love it! it's a great hat. the experience brought me back to being like 12 and at another classy lady's house... though I dont' really remember who it was, I think she was one of those friends of my mom who I only met once. but she gave me these braclets which I loved! and i still have some of them. really, people are incredible... sometimes they are just so loving and unselfish.
when we got to the school that our group was assigned to paint and fix up, I undertook the job of painting the railings black. I basicly did it alone. which was fiine, I kinda zoned out, just absorbed in the pitch blackness of the sweet smelling paint. there was a counselor type guy who was a total dramie. we got to talking and he thought I was a junior in college at first! lol silly silly. so, we talked, I charmed him as is my way, and when I moved on to a different room, he followed me to take my pic... lol I feel loved. I didnt' even say goodbye tho. omg I dont even know his name! and I let him take my picture...
anyway, when I got home I was sooo tired. I couldn't believe it. all I did was paint! but there I was with an hour till going to help my neighbor weed her yard, exhasted! thank goodness it was so cold out, I forgot I was tired when I stepped out of the house and the temp slapped me awake. then I had another nice streach of labor, but I did it. I came home functioned for another two or three hours till after dinner. then at exactly 7:34 (i looked at the clock) I fell sideways on my bed. I totally thought I'd get up to go hang with my family. but that didnt' happen. I was out. I woke up two hours later totally unable to relax again. so I got up and... guess... went online. that was fun. again I say people are great. I was too lazy to write an entry, and I think I made up for it today.
now I am off to do other things... since nothing really happened today... Sunday School was interesting, but that's about it - hell that's all I did! yes! relaxing rocks.
You are Belle from Beauty and the Beast!
wow. I'm in shock.
what did i do today? I went to school and skipped my pep-rally... thank goodness, they are sooo loud and mind boggling, and everyone does flips... ew. then we sold stuff for our clubs. relefctions didn't do too well I dont' think... but drama sold every one of their scarves! Ming got me one, which was very very nice, I came home and put beads on in right away, they are pretty
Seer
ok the eye is kinda scary
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
I have no words...
Nerdslut
this is just not my most humble quiz day! Tho nerdslut sounds really bad
You are a goddess!
jeez I'm gonna stop now. look a kitty!!!!!!
You represent... kindness.You're a very gentle, kind, and caring individual. You truely care about people and are generally well-liked. Though sometimes you may be perceived as weak, you truely have a strong heart and a good desire to help others.
I took another one didn't I, tisk tisk
ooook.. well i'm getting better... I can say that I have alot of the work I need to get done tonight done... eh, well it's only seven so I have some time.
wow, rich people in newport were really really... rich. we went to see one of the mansions down there today. I just wish they had better decorating skills. or that showing off ones money didn't mean soooooo oooooooo ooooo much gold and (as I have observed) pink! of all colors! every other room was pink! and gold! ew. lol, so there you have it: at that time to show off being rich one had to decorate to the extremities of tackyness.
Playpractice is getting better. I can't wait till the actors have all their lines memorized. then we will really start doing the cool stuff. Symphony was my "butterfly" friend today. she dressed up in my fairy wings and being the young age of "free" refused to call them fairy wings. but she was fabulous and came up to "act" in all the fairy scenes. I really need to find more work to do for assistant directing. Ilex is rather the good one. I'm a very good babysitter tho!
oki, dinner...
cool, I got the quiz thing down finally, I have no idea how those first two made it on... tanks Link...
I love Aida, it's a great musical. Talk about fabulous stuff to sing to!
ok so, today then... a bunch of things went wrong, but then they all turned out alright. how cool is that!? I'm happy to say that I used my colab time to the fullest - spending it getting pizza with cool people, tho it did end up making me late for fairy lullabuy learning. still! that worked out! and um, all the other stuff not interesting enough to go into detail about.
being a fairy is gonna be fun. all pretty and cute and sparkly wings... teehee, I sooo hope we have a wear-your-costume-to-school-day. people keep surprising me by calling for help. I feel so useful! <happy>
um, other stuff happened. I'm thinking mostly about school and the relationships I have with different people... I've gotta snap myself out of this procrastinating thing, I'm going to drive myself insane if I keep it up. I'm gonna go work now. someday I'll start an entry with: I've already finished my work! heh, wish me luck.
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
well that's cool... I feel special...
brought to you by Quizilla 
Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz.
jeeez! where did that come from!? I must have answered some questions wrong... I said I liked black... look! I smoke I guess... ah the things you learn about yourself. so! which of you people go around calling me a goth?
fiddle sticks! I can't think of anything I want to write... maybe a quick tank you to Donna and Ilex... but that's about it...
the bro is happy, he's got an 86 on his french test... that means he's been working, that means mom and he will be happy.
la. la. la... ooo! quizzes! off I go to find some! <poof>
icky. I feel icky. I dont' know why. except that if I was the mother of me and i knew my sleeping habbits of waking up randomly at night I'd say: Carrie, you need to get more sleep, go take a nap. but um... I'm not, so I'm not going to. I was really hyper earlier today... I think I should tell myself to save it for practice next time.
stages of tiredness: (1)tired but I'll muddle through (2)thinking too fast for thought, makes me tense but I get alot done (3) hyper where I have nothing to do but I have the last strands of energy and I'm emotionaly teetering between hyper happy and the next two stages (4)exasusted where I keep to myself and drift though my mind and (5) pooped out to the point of tempral depression, where if anything is said to me at all good or bad really, you can bet I'll be overly deffensive.
so! there you have it! that is exactly what happens, and even while I feel it I can see it happening, tho sometimes I get caught up in it.
on the bright side: I did get to use a comp today in graphics! I got to design a logo, that felt good. and I wore one of my fave shirts. and I watched the scene I preformed of romeo and juliet - not nearly as bad as I thought, only like three major things I have a problem with that I did. eh, live and learn. got to see my fairy wings - pretty. Ilex is really happy about an idea she and "Angel" talked about. it consists of a group of kids preforming a sitcom-type-show every week or two. I didn't sound to thrilled over the phone, I know, but it does sound cool that is if it stays fun and not stressful. I love to see her excited.
I feel better... kinda nice to remind yourself of the good parts of the day and the most logical reason you are upset...
wow, college. I don't feel old enough. really, I mean I always wanted to go to highschool. I forgot you had to go to college later... eh... I guess it has to work out in the end. and once I have it picked and been accepted I know I'll feel much better about the whole thing.
Sunday school rocked today. it was just like hanging at camp: you got your great high-school friends, your spiritual problem solver, and your overwhelming feeling of love and comfort. yes! we did it! FINALY a great sunday school class! (anyone want to join me for a free trial? 
) then we went bowling.
I hate it. lol I hate bowling! I turn into this really grumpy grouch! so I gave mom my place in the game, before I turned into a monster, and we had fun the whole rest of the time. qoute from today (to me): "I never realized how girly you were till today." aaaah... great... thanks.
| "Which Mythological Form Are You?" - Results: |
 |
|
You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator. "And The Goddess planted the acorn of life. She cried a single tear and shed a single drop of blood upon the earth where she buried it. From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into the world." Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek), Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian). The Goddess is associated with the concept of creation, the number 1, and the element of earth. Her sign is the dawn sun. As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic individual and people are drawn to you. Although sometimes you may seem emotionally distant, you are deeply in tune with other people's feelings and have tremendous empathy. Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your own self. Goddesses are the best friends to have because they're always willing to help. |
oh, man, that rocks... I am a Goddess! bow you underlings!
ok... so the movie... um, let's just say.. not so great. but we tore it up as we watched it so that was fun. -the rock had the epiphany: guns are good, -there was a scirish man: he had a four leaf clover on his plane, yet played bagpipes and wore a kilt, -the main vilian took so long to die after taking three shots when he finally did callapse hannah said: "what'd he just do!? Die!?" - then there were the cows who freaked as the bagpipes were played, but didn't notice the gun fights... or the exploding truck...
I did it! I finished making the site pretty yay! wonder what other things I will find to make it better... <dreams>
quicky...:
PSATS - eh, but more worth my time then the MCAS
hair - got it trimed and re-angled finally, I look the same but feel fabulous
friends - helped someone needing to be reminded she was great - remember that young lady!
site - look! look! chatterbox! and colors to match! (tank you stage manager) and I now have a counter, so I"m always watching... he. he. he.
tonight - movie! the rundown- I have no idea what that is...
so! I have to go get ready! much love!
so I made something resembling a header... good? well I like the color scheme of this page, and I'm shocked the pic matches so well.
today! hmmm, well i preformed my romeo and juliet scene - did ok... not too great. but I guess I'm not too upset about it. My Nurse rocked. Great Job! then I was late going to graphics cause I was helping Nat make the signs, and so! then when I got there it turns out I had missed someone trying to find me. but they didn't say who they were. so I went to every single office in the building. (and if you know my school you know it's under construction and a mess and horrible to travel in) while I was checking in the adc, I realized I didn't have a notebook I needed: I had left it in the car. that was gonna suck. I had wanted to get this paper corrected by my teacher. so I left (yet again failing to find who had sent for me) to try the last office in the building. turns out they were looking for me to give me the notebook I had left in the car! my mom had brought it in for me! yay!
and I had a great convo about NRL... er or something like that, which turns out to be what I do all the time: working people. getting them to understand you so they will work better with you. I didn't know that was a thing! like a science! that's so cool! I gtg look into it, and see how much I already use.. hehehe
ok! so I could do this whole writing/personalizing this thing for hours! (seeing as I just wrote a whole privite entry and am starting a public one...)
people were great today, I know I was really upset, and I hate the way I effect people when I am. I like making people happy! Thanks tho! all you people who did all the great things you did. 
(note: happy face) glad to know I'm back on top of my mood. and I feel even better knowing I have already returned half the favor. anytime you want to call, hon, I'm here to help. that goes for any other person out there who has my phone number - no narsty thoughts you people. (or e-mail, or aim, or etc... is there anything else?)
what really cheered me up? bonding with Donovan (six-month-old baby). Today he seemed to know I existed! I wasn't just being used for portablility! he played with my face alot, it was very nice. Made me giggle often. Refreshing.
agh, hw.
ok so... between that last entry and now, one would not think too much would have happened. or that I would have "grown" so much. eh, oops my bad.
Death is something I used to be afraid of. I used to go to bed at night terrified when I woke up I'd be dead. I'm not scared anymore, I had that epiphany on the way to six flags in eight grade. I dont' think people die. I don't think they are lost or gone from me. or that I've lost something. everything I need is provided for, including the people around me. eveything they need is provided for them as well. etc. yes I know this inately. but I've never had someone i knew die.
ok lie, my grandmother died when i was eight. but I didn't know her well. I was mostly upset for my father as he cried for her. so then this is the first time anyone my age who I knew has died. granted i didnt' know her that well. she was a sweet gril from camp, who had been struggling with breatheing while there. so she had left early and I hadn't really talked to her much except for once or twice online. I dont' know how she died. and I found out last night when it had already been a month and a half. so, all the logical people who might one day read this are saying: ok, then why are you so upset?
It just feels so wrong! it's just not right! people shouldnt' die! I'm not talking physicaly, I'm talking spiritually and tho I know she's not dead spiritualy I HATE the fact that others suffer who dont' think as such. even people who do! even people who know! I HATE the lie. I want to banish it and tear it up and destroy it for all the pain it causes. and yet that means I'm giving power for wanting...
uh-oh a friend of mine isn't happy at all, I'll be back later...
alright I guess that was like my first practise call... creepy, but she went from crying to being alright so I guess it worked...
I'm much better now I just knew I had to write the above to remember how rebeling against so much of the unjust feels... thanks... now I gtg write a public one...
**the above entry was formerly private
Hey babe.
yes I am talking to you... you being me...
I lost my diary, so i havent' been talking to you much. infact I haven't been talking much either cause I have been on this comp so much... eeka, so! I started this! for you/me!
note: I looove people. I love talking to them... I love meeting them... they rock. and I love the fact that rarely do I meet a person I don't love/like in some way. Is it obvious I'm not sure what I want to do with this yet?... I'm gonna go mess with my options...
