eldriyal's xanga — 2005

so what happens if I start to fall in love with NYC also? can I have two cities I'm in love with?

There is a view
of sunset over water that shines next to
manhattan, mamoth of a sculpture we all know
strangly enough, this too is called the promonade...

and isn't it strange that buying a new sweater for the winter can make you feel warmer already?

So I'm freaking out because I had a hell of alot of work I needed to get done by the end of this morning and I couldn't find me keys and if I didn't have my keys then I couldn't get my portfolio, and if I didn't have my portfolio then i couldn't get my work done. I'm racing all around my room trying to get my perspective back while I get dressed and tear though various cloth-like things that could have to do with my keys.

When I get the thought "Just go" I'm like... i can't just go i gotta get my keeeeys... and then it's just like "CAROL GO GET THE DANG PORTFOLIO"

So I'm finally leaving the room looking backwards, as if that would help, and my hand is wrapping around the door to close it when something jingles.

the friggen keys were in the doorknob.

seemed like a good story to me...

*hehe... "me keys"

Designers Kick Butt
yum...

Whew! I'm becoming so educated and cultured I just don't know what to do with myself... dont you wish you knew as much as I will?

...too bad about the spelling issue.

Anyone doing stuff for holloween?
I'm at an art school, they are all crazy into it, should be lovely.

I love getting new music. so much fun. and I can't wait to get my speakers so I can finally blast it out and about. yay dorm room dancing!

I know I've already shared this with so many people but... I must link to it: as a warning to holly this link does lead to sex deprived bunnies

I did this crazy pain of a project with squinty eyes and smelly paper... only to end up with a cool little ditty that I am very proud of. pfft. who came up with that? all that hard work was worth something?

and rain and cold and thankgodmycampusisonlyablocklong and it's like fall and winter are racing and winter's winning... everyone route for fall!

Very Important Note:
my bed is perfection in its cleanliness

What I plan on doing with my life is not nearly as important as my future. In other words: I dont really have to worry about it.

I told Kat today that we are, in fact, very good friends. She was happy to hear it. Me too.

If you dont know it already here's a little new word us college art girls have come up with:

Procrasterbation (v)
to not do work by occupying yourself in a self-sexual way

I figured I'd share and see what would happen with my first ever dirty sex-joke post.

omg too just too great.
I woke up this morning to a kitty meowing for attention.
can you believe that??? I thoguth I was imagining things at first. turns out Kat let him in and he wanted to cuddle. he's been here before and he loooves the memory foam. < sigh >
All day I've been working and petting him... things couldn't be better.

lol I'm such a cat lady. I'm not lonely at all when i have a kitten to be with!

a protected entry because I was ordered to... now.

So! I traded my student ID in for a hammer.
Oops.

I must clean!

LCD today, I'm thrilled...
let's see... I can make quicktime animations now, ask me if you want to see my silly one from yesterday (nothing really happens in it, it's just cute and 70s-ish)

I got to take a 45-min shower today because I woke up early (7:00, *whew*!)

I finally have some sort of working phone yayyaya... I feel so... in touch.

and I've learned that if art projects are work then writing alot is relaxing. so watch out... I've been writing more - scary (though not writing here really... maybe I'll work on that)

What in the world am I doing here? getting a college degree by cutting up paper? that's crazy.

but fun. but still. my college experience is going to be so unbelieveably different from everyone elses... I think this is good I really do. I'm having a good time, learning alot (omg i can draw, I can really draw, and I love drawing the human figure (even though it's sooo hard)), finding friends where I would never expect to...

I miss my people, I really miss you all.

and I'm watching a movie. and i'm good.

I am wireless.
My bed is now my kingdom.

First thing's first: Donate through the link in my profile if you want/can...

Alright.
First week of school... we're going to do the logical thing of arranging it day by day - class by class.

Monday:
4-D design from 9-12 which was no big deal, nice guy, long lecture, computers using photoshop and final cut express... yay for two new programs. I got my first hw assignment: a flipbook, and a twirly thing (though the flip book is 90 pages long and insane - but that's ok I invented my own light table)

Tuesday:
Light. Color, and Design from 9-12 and then 2-5 it was ok kinda long and alittle grueling it will probably be one of the harder classes blagh. I had to complete this assignment where I had no idea what I was doing and the teacher didn't like what I came up with (go figure). We were given three projects for hw, but they are kind of fun and I like them. (just hope my teacher likes what I do with them...)

I was supposed to have Engish from 5-7 but my teacher didn't show up so that got cut... yay!

Wednsday:
Art History from 2-5... omg so so sososososososo boring and hot and blagh. I have to sit up front otherwise I will never ever be able to stay awake. However, if I did have work I could do in that setting I could always get away with sitting in the back. (my art history book is 2.5inches thick - bigger then that sounds. oh so much bigger) I will never really have hw in this class... just grueling midterms and tests, yay!

Thursday:
3-D design from 9-12 and then 1-4 omg weird teacher. I cannot figure him out. he's one of those that like totaly tries to trick the class every chance he gets and puts them down while acting like he likes them I dont know he's nuts. and he reminds me of perrone when it comes to girls.

English 5-7 turns out that the teacher who was supposed to be teaching it dropped the class the first day of school so this teacher we had was totally unprepaired to teach us at the time of that class... however we still got to write a wonderful (thats' sarcastic) essay on a fabulous (also sarcastic) kafka short story, whom I love (sarcastic - can you tell yet)

Friday:
The day I was most afriad of cause it had the dreaded Figure Drawing class from 9-12 then 1-4, but it turned out well (thank god). my teacher is absolutely adorable like a little happy stuffed animal who loves being there you can tell and he's so excited to be showing us stuff - we are his first class he's ever taught by himself. He's really nice and even when he's critical he's so happy about telling you about it that you can't be affended. so yay my worst fear reassured.
But omg today in class we did the MOST challengeing thing where a nude (yes NUDE) model came and posed for us for 45 min and we had to draw the entire pose... the trick was she changed poses every min so we ended up with 45 weeeeird drawings. then we did 15min of 30second drawings, then 40min of 5min drawings and finally a 30min drawing. It was intense and I was sooo tired, I was ready to drop.

so yeah! there you go my week in a nutshell. busy busy.

ps. check out my "interests" section in my profile and see if you're interested in donating alittle to help out with the hurricane disaster... I donated 20$, I'm so proud! but anything would help alittle.

Everyone has those moments that they feel define the stages in their life. Whether they be going to college, starting a new job, graduating high school, etc... they are those moments when one reflects on themselves and thinks "wow, look how far I've come"

Mine seems to be buying my very own Brita FIlter

ok... so I've gone shopping way more then normal for me in the last week. I'm turning seriously girly. who would have thought? on the bright side I find cool stuff.
for cheap. cause I'm a college student.

YAY!
I'm getting the Adobe Creative Suite today! agh! i can't believe they are going to be all mine! yayayyayayayyayay... for only 215$ (and the regular education rate is 500$... and the professional rate is 1,200)
YAY!

random side note:
people keep using the word bizarre to talk to me it's like a universal thing... did I miss a memo?

Hey guys,
I know I've basicly dissapeared... no phone, no internet, and now that I have it... no aim. I finally have a facebook going though! and I can still get e-mail... but for now I suppose I should tell you how everything has been since I dissapeared.

Well... Orientation is offically boring. I have now skipped so many meetings that I dont even worry about it anymore. (dont worry I still go to the important ones) My roomate is pretty cool, peppy and colorful (thank God) shy at first but I broke her out. I had a hell of a time yesterday with the whole finacial thing (you know, paying for school) but that worked out too so now it's all good (expensive, but good).

Last night my roomate (who's name is Kat btw) and another really cool girl went to Manhattan so see this little 10$ show where these people read outloud diaries from when they were younger and we all listen and giggle. It's sweet you get to see what these people were like - a big show and tell of their younger years. it's called "Get Mortified" but it's really not that harsh. So, I am proud of that... my first outing all by myself (with two other people) and we didnt die or get jumped.

the rest is just all getting settled and such, I'll write more to come I'm sure.

One final note for Holly (and anyone else interested in the crazyiness):
I was standing in line getting food at one point and I look across the table to see this girl who I recongnized but I had no idea why. we both kind of stared at eachother and I wondered where in orientation I'd met her. then she goes "Drama Fest!" Turns out she's that girl from marblehead who we auditioned with for the scholarship and did the competion with drama guild. She's doing fasion design.

oki, long post of ranting. hope you enjoyed.
miss you.

"Love yourself first and everything falls into line."

Alright so here it is... my first entry on my new laptop, a Powerbook G4 which I am quite proud of. yes, I have had it for a while... like two weeks. and it is wonderful. <3!

I have my pre-registration forms so I know what classes I'm taking next year... omg. omomomomg, I'm too excited for words.

So I'm going to tell you about the craziness of my job. I work at The Olive Garden, as a waitress where the bills genuinely get pretty big and the tips are relatively good. A table takes about 45min to an hour to get through their eating cycle and the longer they stay the more they buy, normaly.

Last night I had the two ladies in one of my booths that sat there for 3 hours straight.
Having only bought a 30$ meal.
Giving me only a 8$ tip.
These people were crazy. and they sat over their hot tea talking until it was ice cold (if Alex reads this he'll probably be the only one who understands that). I finally resorted to interupting their talking flow as much as possible to get them out of there.

that's not really the weirdest thing about last night...
The weird thing is that tips wise everything kinda balanced out when a teenage couple I didn't have much hope for money wise left me a 20$ tip on a 21$ meal.
I couldn't believe it.
but I had to because it was a credit card and they added the 20$ to the 21$ meal to make it 41$... more crazy people!
and I proceeded to mess everything up in my shock.

I also got to talk to this nice lady too...
people can be pretty cool.

oooki... so I'm alittle surprised by the amount of people who didnt' find that a very easy assignment...
never the less!

I am in LA (or rather the garage of Aunt Carrie's house in Rsomething San Msomething which is south of LA)!

and I'm loving it and it's pretty and I'm all happy to be here. hehehehe. and I'm more tan. already. and I will get more tan. yay!

We went to zuma yesterday and got to splash around in the waves which were cold but nothing compared to east coast and the waves are big! i now have a witness to atest for it!
Then we went to Santa monica peir as well as 3rd street prominade (spelled something like that) and ate dippin dots and a johnny rockets malt mmmmmmm

Then we tried to see the sun set over the ocean... but we failed because it set over the mountians. wtf. turns out the Santa Monica coast doesn't really point west but south and since I had only ever really been here in the winter I'd never known the dissalignment. grrrr. the sun plays tricks.

PS. I still <3 Forever 21

Alright! I'll update!

hehe but only if you guess where I am...

If today is thrusday....

Then tomorrow is friday...
whoa!

prom prom prom! yay.

how.
how am i going to make this?

I know everyone else is so busy too...
but I think I'm... going to fall over.

So, the lady at the dress altering place...
she's awesome.

When I told her all the crap that needed to be done to fix the dress her first reaction was:
"You want me to do all that in so little time??"
Then:
"Who cut these sleeves? stupid stupid. they are too tight." (She could so beat up that lady who made the dress all wrong in the first place hehe)
Then after I said I could go somewhere else she's like:
"No, I can do it, I can do it!" (with an implied "sheesh")

We were silent for a bit while she was marking the hem then I noticed she kept looking up at me and studying my face. so I made eye contact and smiled. She goes:
"Are you spanish?"
"Er... no my grandfather is Italian"
"Ah! I could tell from the eyes and the eyebrows."

She was really quite charming. Even though I didn't really write about her so well. Funny thing about how I look though, only Italians seem to notice... but it never fails that they do. and then they like me.

Hehe, I'm so excited about my dress now. yayness.

I love Priya.
and everyone else.
but thankyouthankyouthankyou

I wish I felt like the loads of work I do have some worth.
even if I know they have some sort of worth to others.

I wish I could feel it.

Carrie has a license!
Carrie has a license!
lalalala....

That night when joy began
W.H. Auden

That night when joy began
Our narrowest veins to flush,
We waited for the flash
Of morning's leveled gun.

But morning let us pass,
And day by day relief
Outgrows his nervous laugh,
Grown credulous of peace,

As mile by mile is seen
No trespasser's reproach,
And love's best glasses reach
No fields but are his own.


A Poison Tree
William Blake

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe ourstreched beneath the tree.

Susan, babe, I know I haven't written back to you and I do miss you, and I won't loose touch completely - I promise.

My Prom is on May 27th. The dress is still a red, but it will look deeper because the lady and I will be adding more black to the entire outfit. Don't mind me if I come to prom looking slightly goth...

On a different note...
I got my permit on monday! cause... I am getting my license next week (crosses fingers) and, well you can't scheduele a driving test with an expired permit. heh.

also, I got the job at Olive Garden, so now it's choosing between Olive Garden and Unos... hmmm. I figure for my first job ever I shouldn't do two at once.

So, we'll see.

Prom dress update:
So! after many min of agonizing telling-dress-maker-to-fix-dress disaster (during which she finally consented to giving a half price store credit for something else... argh), we came up with a brilliant neat and tidy solution involving two layers of sheer sleeves. pretty. yay. No more fire-truck-red prom!
(promise to send pics to those of you who want them when the dress is fixed)

Project update:
Baby steps, baby steps. (16 days left and counting)

Step by Step Advertising Fundamentals:
1) It's you, a little kid, and two cookies
2) You want cookie #1
3) Little kid would want cookie #1 if they knew
4) When displaying cookies, hold cookie #2 slightly closer to little kid's eyes
5) Hope your marketing worked (usually does - little kids usually assume you see the one that looks bigger (better) to them as bigger to you, bwahahaha)

Magic Bullet Blender! yummy. I want. and good for Father's Day (well at least for my dad)... which reminds me... Mother's Day...

Everyone else is at AP exams... or at least they are studying for them, all i have is Psych which isn't for another week. Something I never figured out how to do: study.

I have three projects going on at the same time!
-drama yearbook (omg how am I gonna get this thing done???)
-reflections (ditto)
- TV (gah, I wish it was more orginized)

I have no problem really having so many projects to do I just really really wish I could spend 8 hours a day working on them and not all kinds of other stuff... dangit. grr.

It's a prom dress! not a fire truck. and thats all I'm going to say about the terrible dress situation I'm in at the moment.

So that people stop hating me.
yes, I'm totally approved to go to Pratt Institute (thank you Aunt Carrie!)
Drama Yearbook (that I've never talked about) is going good
People are doing ok. (hugs!)
aaaaand... my room is being cleaned.

That's a sign that things are calm and settled and happy in my head... I clean my room. it's still a mess, but picking things up and putting them somewhere "organized" is fun!

Oh! and I've been 18 for a while
applying to my first job (a waitress somewhere)
and the license thing... heh, time to re-new my permit!

P.S. Update is still under a month!

lalala angst.
people have issues.
me included.

but here's the deal,
we don't really have issues.

and sometimes it pisses me off
that everyone gives into
revels
lives in
their own issues.

Even if it's destroying eachother.

stupid people.

get it out, and then heal it.
don't buy into it.
don't fester.

We all need to learn how to be happy.

P.S. I am so totally going to Pratt Institute! yayness. like real yayness. and Thank you Aunt Carrie

asdlnasdifnagagaw

Carrie Joyce: In College?

Carrie Joyce got into Pratt College, in Brooklyn last week, but do you think she is capable for all the stress? Scientists say that college is the number one reason for high fever, headaches, and sickness. This is because of all that stress that is put on these kids.
My sister of all people shouldn’t need all of that stress, but who really does? If colleges were more not stressful, than kids would get straight A’s all the time! And I wouldn’t have to worry about her being stressed every waking moment.
What do you think? Should kids have stress? Or should kids be stress free and live a little? You think.

Carrie's Room

Carol’s room is messy (as usual) and everything else is fine and getting better.
Her desk is messy, floor, bookcase, closet, it’s all messy. I don’t get how she can stand it! She sleeps sometimes with things that were already there. It’s kind of disgusting if you ask me. She has food in there, all this junk with her clothes.
And that’s the daily report on Carol’s room.

*******
Hey, it's food in a thingy that I hide under my bed. Totaly separate... normaly.

And the clothes on the floor are messy, the clothes in the basket are clean and every week I swap them, so it really is quite organized.

...he's gonna report on my room daily?

The Art Academy of Cincinnati wants me too.
*edit* and The Art Institute of Boston
They want me.
More then one place wants me...

wow.
I know all you people think that's normal but... this is crazy!

I know teachers are always saying to start with a good strong thesis, to be sure to support it, and to remember to carry it through the whole of the paper.

But recent developements have taught me otherwise.

I resolve to use this system from now on:
1) find quotes (yes! I know! first!)
2) write body paragraphs around the quotes, incorporating them
3) write conclusion (yes, it's the thrid step)
4) write introduction
5) write thesis - LAST

This system has lead to the best english grade I have achieved all year and comments from my teacher such as: "great structure" "good job pulling your thesis through" "fabulous improvement"

I highly recommend it.

Submit stories, art, poems, potos... anything you would feel honored to have published to:

Reflections Literary Magazine
wereflectfhs@gmail.com

Time is running out!
Include your name and if you want to be anonymous or not.

(you can also drop it off in Pod 11 if you wish)

Solving this jigsaw puzzle and posting about this sweepstakes for Big Red makes me eligible for free Xanga Premium for life...

I've been accepted into PRATT!

booya.

I saw Rent!
Orcestra seats!
Broadway!
48$!
omgomgomgomgomg... that was amazing. I can't believe I got to do that.

Parsons: kinda grumpy... deffinately in the middle of the city... not as good for me as...

Pratt: really nice! great campus... but don't let me get my hopes up, until I get that nice fat acceptance letter

NYC trip... was pretty good. good points to it... some bad. but all in all not too horrific. just tiring.

this is one of the best days I've had in a long time (even tho it's early, I still know it's going to be great)
I'm fueled with more knowledge of myself (which is a relief) I'minspired to work (even tho I really want to tell someone!) and I'mjust...

the whole house left just to me and my music, and I didnt wake up too late to not get to enjoy it!

Today. Is a good day.

and not hallmark

Hugs and Valintines for all you people far away.
Love you!

From the sappy teen-age novel noone's ever head of: Cross My Heart

"Anyway," he went on, "I guess the best way to handle a problem is -- to do something. Anything. It keeps the blood circulating, gets your mind on other things, and who knows," he snapped his fingers, "maybe you'll end up with exactly what you want!"

Is it possible to feel rejected by colleges (that you really want to get into) but you haven't even finished applying to yet?

Ever notice it's the little insignificant entries that get all the comments?

Friggen weirdos.

About two weeks ago I had a xanga story like no other to tell and I just never got around to it.
so! here I go!

I was late getting to my first period statistics class on account of it being my second day there and I could not remember where it was. I hadn't done the hw and was stressing about that as well and as I got into the class I was, of course the last one, so the only desk open to me was front and center.

Our high school is under renevation. So there are two types of desks that are used by all in our school. The first are the old ones with chairs that are connected and always there - dependable. The second are the new, with chairs that aren't connected and can be pushed in.

I walked over to the desk, put my books on top of it and started to sit. as I leaned against the desk I continued to lower myself into the chair that seemed to be much lower then usual.

Confused, I sank.
"Um..."
Sinking.
"Um... hun, there's no... there's..."
Sinking.
"no chair there... NO CHAIR!"

Thunk.

There I was, on the floor, next to my desk with the pushed in chair.
And we are all cracking up.

Yeah, that was a day.

Like the boy behind me said:
"Awesome."

I didn't have breakfast today!!!

Karl: Oh! You couldn't have sex with your wife anymore, so you had sex with your daughter instead!
Sultan: Yes
Karl: That makes sense!

Me: How did you meet me?
Karl: Well, there was this nudist beach and I was passing on my boat...

Me: You're the most selfish, sexist, concieted person I've ever met! Why did I marry you?
Karl: Cause you liked the sex.

Take that Rubix cube!
hehehe. (the dark room puzzle is the one I won)

I may be breaking some sort of code here...
but to both of those wonderful people who I heard about today...
I love you.
and pain like that should never have to be felt by either of you.
Any of you.
Any one of any of you.
< hugs and love for all who need them >

One or two is always so far away and they are only half, so you would think they would affect me less. Well, I know it would hardly effect how one felt about their own but it’s surprising how many people think I love them half as much for it. Anyway. The point is that one or two is always so far away, and I feel the strain because of it. How many in the world can say that they know three (for absolutely positively sure) people who love them with all their heart? How many can say that they love three back? That’s the blessing.

The curse, I suppose, would be divorce. Or really, the separation. Sometimes I wonder what they are doing those 3,000 miles away. And I wonder if we are even allowed to still be “connected” (or half connected as the world may think) as siblings should be. Until I get a letter. Or a phone call. That can ease the pain a bit. “It’s ok, I still remember, I still love you” just the act of either is unbelievably satisfying down within the depths of my being.

I’d say we’re still connected. I’d say that one parent (yes) and one parent (no) doesn’t change the way we feel about each other. Parents don’t have that power it would seem. No matter how far they separate us. The connection is there. The experiences are lacking.

I have this little dream of mine. One day – perhaps a holiday because that seems to be the only time grownups are free to do anything and we will be grownups then – I will gather all three of them in one room. And they will make fun of me most likely. And maybe we will eat something burnt (if we try to make it ourselves). And maybe we’ll wrestle like little kids again. And maybe we’ll pick apart some random movie. And maybe we’ll get bored.

But, you see, we’ll have the experience.

I suppose college is mostly on my mind but after much help (can you believe I am the most helped by someone sitting next to me?), I can actually see this getting done. Thank God and the help .

Tip for girls: Body Works alcohol cleansers are great for those days that one accidently forgets to put on deoderant, a quick fix!

I have to mention going out to eat the other night with three friends (even tho hannah did already) We were sitting there talking nonsense to eachother as we always do and the waitress - trying to make sense of us, trying to connect - asked us how much we had smoked that night... Which was met by awkward scilence and we all tried to find the right words to say "you silly person."

... aaaah that's what I should have said. She would have felt better. darn.

and! every theatre child out there must check out Wicked the Musical (yes I've mentioned it before) it was written by the Godspell guy you know. so good. <3

Before you leave this post, stop on by and give me a statement about art (I'm writting one for college and I wanted to see what I would get from you guys)

When I think about it... if I could just choose a school and feel perfectly confident I would get in, then I don't think I would stress as much.

oki, wait - that sounds obvious.
What I mean is that, if I could just feel positive that I would actually be wanted by the schools (well really the school) that I want to go to then... well then I'd have more confidence.

well, that also sounds obvious.
I feel insecure! I feel unable to meet up to anything that the colleges want.
I've been told that's normal.
Great... now I'm just normal. (j/k)

So yeah. That's why I've been feeling like I can't get any work done (even tho I really have, and it's all good).

"It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts."
-Millard Fuller

yeah, what he said.
... oh no.

College Shtuff.

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says their so
Some things I cannot change
but till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love, I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love,
it comes at much to high a cost

I'd rather buy defying gravity