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I need inspiration! I hardly feel like designing at all. and what I do design... I don't like! I feel so unoriginal. What can I do? < pout > |
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My hand at being talent (or anchor) for Flyer News. Not only do I never look up to the camera, randomly say the wrong name or numbers from what is seen on screen, and make weird gestures when Chris (my male counter-part) is talking but! we also have absolutely CRAZY bloopers associated with crew. Take today, for example: Well, almost ran. In short we were caught squinting at the monitor with our mouths hanging open for the second it took for us to figure out we were now on broadcast. BAM, all four of our hands hit the desk at exactly the same time as the smiles on our faces plastered themselves in place. Funny stuff. Maybe you had to be there.* P.S. 5,000 hugs! <3 *and you can! every weekday at 5pm or 7pm on channel... |
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Up to date on all the college crap there is out there to do. Talent on FHSTV this week. yippy! Had a really freaky Saturday - lost 7 hours. like really. suddenly it was one in the morning and I was so confused (NO I was not high or drugged in any sense of the word...) hmmm... yup. Thanks for all the comments guys. really. |
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now, I know it doesn't look any different to some of you. But... imagine you are on a Mac... just imagine... and all the posts that you have YEARNED to see, STRAINED to understand on my site have been evily withheld from your sight because: MACS DO NOT READ HTML THE SAME WAY AS PCs. agh. but let's just say that maybe now, when you look at this post. you can suddenly read it. can you believe it!? yes! yes you can! because I, Carrie Joyce, have just figured out how to get the HTML to work on both the PC and the MAC. you may rejoice in the form of comments. |
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I feel like an idiot. so it looks all floppy. I need to get it taken in. which will cost another 40 something dollars and that's two college applications right there. and it's not like I have the time to do find that or anything. AGH. < is really really annoyed and is not held responsible for any and all ranting found on this site > |
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Book that all females should read! (well... I think so anyway - and one or two reveiws in the book itself say so too) Now, I'm sure you've all heard of it: Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls If you haven't heard of it: it's basicly a documentary on how girls treat eachother while confined by our society. Dosn't really sound that interesting, and I put off reading it for a very long time but now that I've started I just can't seem to put it down. This book has not changed how I feel about some girls. Or really changed how I veiw myself... it's more that now that I have the issues I've been dealing with all laid out neatly in front of me I understand better. I can see where I have been both a jerk and not as well as see where other people would think I was either. And though I rather doubt I will change who I am (I am happy as I am*), I think I will be better able to forgive/understand/relate to the girls around me I have had trouble relating to in the past because - surprise! - this book has given me so much perspective. so yes. I recommend. If it even remotly interests you. After thought: |
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revelation of sorts yesterday. One of those you've-always-heard-the-words-but-never-really-registerd-what-they-meant-type things. So, today I've been working with it and it's funny how the hardest problems in life seem to get easier when I remember. Krispy Kremes today! aaaanyway. |
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is proving to be my absolute favorite. We preformed "Sonoma White and the Seven Dolts" today for the elementry school children and... it was amazing! They were just so sweet and charming and attentive and the way they laughed - oh you've never heard such gafawing! There are so many little stories but I'll just list a few: 1) afterwards I had a bunch of children come up to me and ask if it hurt me too badly when "the wicked queen hit you on the head and made you fall down" - they were so worried! wonderful. 2) Girl One: Did you like being Cinderella??? 3) Brazilian Girl: Is he (the Wicked Queen - and that's NOT a typo) from Brazil? 4) Girl: What's your fave color!? 5)What was supposed to happen: What did happen: SO! and bring all the little kids you have ANYTHING to do with AT ALL. |
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the most beautiful turd Hannah's ever seen! hehe |
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It's been 372 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium? ... baaaah, I missed it!
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I am two years old, sitting cross legged on the floor next to my mother. She murmuring to herself as she sorts the different items in front of herself. “Ok… these are for Jean… where is that bag?... cookbooks for Cathy… and knifes for Mom… when am I going to get to the post office before Christmas?” I wrapped my little fingers around my stuffed bunny, feeling the thick ridges of fabric stretch back and forth under my touch. Mom wouldbe done soon, and go to start making those loud clicking sounds at a table. Then I could look at the shiny book. She had placed it in a large paper bag decorated with the M-A-C-Y-’S letters that seemed to loom over my head as I crept towards it. I reached to the top of the bag. I gripped the scratchy cut edge and pulled it down. I peeked over the top. Only to find that the shiny book could only be seen under an endless amount of obstacles. It seemed to laugh at me, gleaming colors that I could not reach. So, I plunged my cubby little fingers in anyway, gripping one of the thick spikes and pulling it right out. It came right out so fast that I ended up thumping back on my bum, holding in my hand a tough creviced slab of wood with a bright reflecting blade at the end of it. Fascinating. I played with that for a bit, found it slightly painful, and then began my quest for the book again. But the obstacles were still there, so I began to pull them out one by one, soon they were all over the floor and I had achieved my goal. The shiny cookbook. My mother came back into the room ten min after I started my adventure to find me sitting in the middle of a floor of knives, singing to the cookbook, twirling my feet, and covered in blood. In a frenzy of movement she swept me up to the counter and stripped me of my shirt to wash me down at the sink. The bright green sponged scrubbed warm water all over my body, turning a murky shade of brown as it absorbed some of the blood. I was surrounded by the dank smell of old water, and I grumbled because of it. But my mother did not let up until she found the source of all that blood: a tiny puncture at the tip of my index finger. **This was my true story for English... NO my mother is not negligent! I'm just myschivious... and the story has been rather warped since my mother having told it to me and my having re-told |
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Monday: drama meeting/internship @ cameron This week is going to go by so fast. you know, you're proud. **Wednesday is the worst spelled day ever. just fyi. |
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my computer seems to have the hick-ups. More specificly, IE does. even in this entry I've had to re-click the box five times... !!! What do I do? |
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at 10:25 pm, my door bell rang in frenzied triplet. I got up in a hurry, visions of crying friends, lost little kids or evil robbers dancing in my head. I made my way to the door in four quick leaps - what if they woke up my family!? Noone there. Ding-Dong-Ditch. At 10:25 at night. wtf. So, I looked around for a min. Then I went back in side. Who did it? |
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Holly today. Which was great... tho possibly mind warping. Switch gears: Two min later - he does it again, only this time on retreat he stops for a min and sniffs my hair. So he helps me alittle while later. True story. |
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98% of teenagers do or have tried pot. If you're one of the 2% that hasn't, put this in your journal |
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Who needs it!?
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I like the way blogs (as well as diaries) have the unique ability to freeze a moment, or rather a frame of mind. |
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My HTML stuff (ALL OF IT) doesn't work on the macs at school! agh! < laments > what am I going to do!? Aside from that... I'm so happy to be back at school... hehe. socialization! and not only that BUT this is this semester's scheduele: A- TV Production One next semester I have Astronemy and Statistics... I have the BEST scheduele ever! no joke! |
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Thanks for college. Thanks for hotdogs. Thanks for Truth. I can forgive. |
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with this intense need to brush my teeth. So, I slinked out of bed, padded down the stairs, and flipped on the basement bathroom's light - focusing fully on my goal. My goal that required my toothbrush. My toothbrush that was nowhere to be seen. After checking in both the cups, trash (eeew), drawers, floor, and even the toliet(EEEEw), I scuddled from the bathroom to seek out my brother. Who was found entertaining himself amidst various soward-like objects. Me:"Chris... have you seen my toothbrush?" So... turns out that he had found my toothbrush (a brand new edition to the downstairs bathroom of the last two days) and had thought it was his and in so thinking, used it. Note: the afore mentioned toothbrush was washed before re-use |
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was really weird. I felt so odd and sleepy... so! time to sleep... be back tomorrow. |
NOVEMBER 16th!!!! call...
Total Est. Time: 9 hours, 18 minutes, Total Est. Distance: 567.20 miles
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Event #6 |
| Venue | Benedum Center |
| Address | 719 Liberty Avenue Pittsburgh, PA 15222 USA |
| Status | On Sale Soon! |
| Run | Tue, Jan 11, 2005 to Sun, Jan 16, 2005 |
| Telephone # | (412) 456-6666 |
| Alternate Telephone # | (412) 392-2889 |
| Group Sales Telephone # | (412) 471-6930 |
| Phone Info | (412) 456-6666 |
| Web Link | http://www.pgharts.org |
| Eighth Pittsburgh engagement! Tickets currently available through subscription series. For more information log on to www.pgharts.org | |
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Actually I think they just have it all wrong... Your True Sign Is GeminiCharmer
Adaptable Never Boring Fun and Friendly Commitment-Phobic Eternally Youthful The Life of the Party Intellectual and Witty What's Your True Zodiac Sign? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |
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I go back east. see ya then.
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Packing... or at least organizing and HOPING that my bag doesnt' go over the 50lb limit - or my box for that matter. while I"m doing that, Annie and I, during the four hour strech of noone in the house, will be listening to all sorts of music because she would like me to help her get comfortable with dancing. so it's going to be one big cleaning/dancing party! Come on down and join in! Two Notes:
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wow, I really dont like fighting. On a brighter note:
 After the movie, it looked like she had dissapeared, and just before I left I go: no! I demand she come out and say goodbye. and she walked out of the room! hehehe I want one. you HAVE to read this... silly beer bear 3 |
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Eldriyal: I may never have kids. |
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What they think about me: I do... I feel so explained! and yes, at some point I think I did this before... but it's fun to remember that people know who you are! as a person... yeah. exactly. |
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is really one essay a day. period. I tried. really I did. but I could only do one. ah well. better late... right? Doreen and I went to the mall today. twas long but fun. found some really good deals, lime green shawl, bought some bug earrings, tried on some belly dancing outfits, yup. good times. shopping really is fun. often. and I really like my style. I feel spiffy. (yes holly, spiffy) When i first moved to MA, to the scary public school with all the kids, and the freedom to wear whatever I wanted, I took the easy way out: decided to wear whatever everyone else was wearig. and it was horrible! absolutely terrible! first: I HATED the style. pastels and tight and blegh. so then high school came along. high school the haven. and the instant I felt like I was really going I made this promise to myself: I, Carrie Joyce, will only buy stuff I like. it was a big deal! and it has lead to me wearing things that other people think are insane. but hey, I know I look good. and I'm proud of how I dress myself. I'm the coolest doll I have to play with! so... it's all good. 6 |
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went to an island in the middle of the Columbia River that had the most charming beach. Not that we got to swim, we were dressed in too much. There was a "clothing-optional" beach nearby... but we opted for the "clothed" one, just for tradition's sake... then we went to a nice chinese resturant, where I introduced the whole family to the lovely existance of "spring rolls" as opposed to "egg rolls" - which few actually like. yeah... I'm handling things better. it's the whole light at the end of the tunnel thing, I think. 7 |
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I cost dad money phone bill, dentist stuff, books, scholarship program, movies we rent just cause I want him to see them, trips... I mean... he's going to be so happy when i leave. 8 |
typing.
I think it's just cause I really like this keyboard. it has just the right amount of resistance for when I type. fun fun.
my dog is sleeping next to me. more because she got tired begging for the scraps of my dinner then that she loves me. silly dog.
Doreen is on the couch watching Along Came Polly and laughing charmingly at the silly cute parts.
Dad is asleep, didn't want to watch Office Space today... makes me sad, I hope he will want to watch it sometime. I made sure we got it for him.
Annie and Anthony are sprawled across the couch and floor. Every now and then I can hear little raspy breaths or snores. Other then that, it is the quietest I'll ever see them.
We went to Izzy's today. Twaz alright. I ate too much. Well, I was very full. I like to try alittle of everything that looks interesting in those buffet type things.
And I wrote two of the four essays I have to have done by the 15th. It only took FOREVER. annoying as heck... I had such a hard time focusing on it.
Annie, Anthony and I played three endless rounds of three-player war, we made up the rules as we went along. but they really liked it.
There are kids down the street who I have been kinda sitting next to for the past two days... just trying to see if any of them are fun. but all they talk about is sex, drugs, and drinking (who would have guessed?) so I just end up really quiet and bored.
I made a cool picture type thing that looks like an eye with a face as the iris and pupil... I like it. Anthony likes it. So, it's all good.
Bad mood today. sad mood. not sad now. so it's all good there too.
Enough typing now... all done.
wow... how did he know to say that...
I feel better now.
still 9
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I'm so lonely. 9 |
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I'm charmed... and creeped out.
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I think I was all happy about this new layout thingy I figured out... at least, this new little trick-box-post-thing. and I got all the colors to work. so! I want you to tell me if you like it now. pleeeease? just a quick yes or no.
course I'm going to keep it anyway... lol. 
Edit:
I am just sooo proud of my site at the moment. let me revel. < basks in own happiness > yay!
and mom... time to make your lecture thingy work!
comunication has nothing to do with speaking.
A person is not a good communicator just by saying what is on their mind. Nor are they a good communicator by just answering questions about what they are thinking. Sure that's a good thing to be able to do, but I've noticed sometimes that people tend to get stuck just communicating how they feel and then become totaly absorbed in what they are upset about.
actual communication comes from compramise.
the ability to hear both sides of the story independent of one another, and in doing so, be able to think of a clear solution that satisfies both parties. Then you have communication. the speaking that leads to closure.
I know so many people out there already get this. Nonone knows how many books have been written on this subject. but I really think the basic, simple, foundation is to be just willing to hear/compramise. because people rarely feel things for no reason. and no matter what that reason is (or how silly it may seem) there is some way to adress it - make it right.
Those family issues taught me this. Even the unobtainables prove to be pretty normal people when one gets down to the reasons, and is able to speak back until an understanding is reached. Then both leave happy. I like that. I like the power in communicating well. The power to connect everyone involved and make them happy. myself as well.
Tiz a good thing...
help me pray, I lost the dog
Later:
just like we always are when we go. and I think she just got soo hot out there in that rich, dark brown, heat obsorbing coat of hers that she thought it would be a good idea to just slip into the woods and take a nap.
silly dog.
so I run home, after the initcial searching and we get Doreen to get the car up and ready because the doggy would know the sound of it.
And we were out there looking all over. calling her name. praying the best we could. I was all dressed in jeans and a jean jacket just in case I had to go and get her...
we'd finally decided to do another round in the car and go to get back in the car when Doreen goes: op! there she is!
she was walking so slowly. so thirsty. and it had to be one of the greatest sights - just to see she actually hadn't been trapped in a bear trap.
I <3 my dog.
The worst part tho, was really the first twenty minuets that it took for Annie and me to realize she wasn't coming back. It was just so deathly quiet. I kept wanting to hear anything other then the birds. I would've even been happy if it was that heart-wrenching-high-pitched barking that begs for help. Just to know she was alive.
Annie was getting fearful in all that quiet. So we said the Lord's Prayer together. She was confused because we knew different versions. She kept offering me more of the blackberries we had picked and whispering how she wanted to get out of there. so I gave her my magnetic bracelet as a distraction. All the while it was so creepy.
and I know it worked out and I'm thankful and happy. just wanted to share/achieve empathy. thanks.
well let's see...
~I have four lovely essays to write by the 15th - nothing like procrastination
~I have yet to call the police... mom is gonna kill me
~Annie and Anthony are dying for some play time (Annie and I are gonna go pick blackberries today)
~Dad and I still MUST watch Office Space
~I have to go over the ACT math section
~And I have to call the schools I am interested in
not to mention all the friends I haven't talked to in forever.
heh. hey guys.
so here goes!
and FYI:
the current episode of Death to the Extremist is pretty good. (see profile moduele for link)
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Thoroughly Antisocial You think people suck and that they are fairly stupid. You avoid large social gatherings like the plague. Maybe you tolerate a friend if they drop by to say hi. Congratulations, we might like you! |
Wow...
my ACT practice score was... just really good.
and all my artwork is here now... and it's not that bad either.
and all that family stuff... I am actually a good daughter.
and yeah... it's kinda dawning on me... I may actually be a cool person.
now that's something I can be proud of: seeing some of my own coolness...
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MESSAGE HERE
Meh...
I didnt like it too much. (at least I didn't because I couldn't figure out how to change the border color.)
Oh my goodness I went through so many codes yesterday from createblog.com and threw them all over the place here. So, I had to go clean that up... but I like what I have now. little new touches are good.
Hannah's mad I dont have any good entry material... well... maybe I just enjoy the silence in this case. I dont even know what I want to talk about. Hence the mind blocks. I figure tho... once it is important - like actually good and important - then I will have no problem.
btw. I'm coming back on the 22nd.
figured that out today.
figured out the family issues too.
imagine that.
I just wanted to see if I could write an entry like this...
I've always really liked the box look...
what do you think?
MESSAGE HERE
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titleContent = 'Random Module';
moduleContent = 'I can throw whatever I want in here - and it was just such an interesting concept, I could not refuse... so here it is. and I got nothing for the moment... but I am sure something will come to me later<BR>(hey it kindof works too so long as I dont use any appostrophes...)';
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I'm so proud of me!
look at my pretty scroll bar------------------------------->
thanks hannah. I stole it from you... 
A...
little bit of quiet never hurt anyone.
Especially not me.
Especially not now.
< sigh > I am happy actually. I think just overloaded. that happenes sometimes. I should go give my dad a hug. Maybe I'll put in a good CD for my singing pleasure, just for that nice eveloping feeling of "being in control of your own life" before I head back into the masses...
but what to listen to?
decisions.... decisions...
Yeah...
let's not even discuss this weekend. To those I need to: I have, and dont worry you two: I shall.
SO! ANYWAY...
on with life! and it is looking so good right now, I can't even begin to tell you.
three letters were sent off today. I'm so proud. I think I'm sticker crazy. I just love plastering them all over the place. they are so pretty! and fun! yup.
oh my gosh, i have no topic... none. this window has been up forever. I think I'm going to give up for the time being and just be glad there's an updated post here.
Hmmm...
well I'm taking off today for the beach now, so I dont know if I'll be able to update or not...
the lake was all in all an awesome experience...
my two fave parts:
~ Cheryl a teeny little girl of two years old, who loved Brown Bear almost as much as I do, and was endlessly willing to cuddle with me, even when I was sooo not feeling good - she made me feel better.
~ finaly talking to the kid mentioned two entries down. yay! always good to make new connnections, even more so since it took 15 years. but I'm gonna break the habit of holding him to that! I swear!
then it was just lovely to be up there... the lake all pretty and clear, the wind blowing and yeah... peaceful.
tho it could have done with a shower...
I'm back...
I'm tired...
yet, I'm online.
and I want to update.
but then...
not.
I'm heading...
out to an island today.
We're going to see old family friends, from when this family was still in MA. and I'm going to see a kid who I've known since we were two. He used to kill bugs in all sorts of ways. and when I was nine he attacked me while we were watching The Goofy Movie.
but now he wont talk to me.
seriously, I spent a whole day with him during Fourth of July and he wouldn't talk! I tired too... said hi, wished him a happy birthday, brought up old memories - nothing.
how... non-entertaining.
but! I digress:
I will be back sunday night, when I may, or may not update.
It's...
really late.
and downstairs Doreen is asleep infront of a television that is blaring an infomercial attempting to terrify me of the horrors of the extra expences that retailers put on their products so that I will join their program. They dont realize that I'm too young, and have had my wallet stolen recently - therefore I am a useless audience member. at the moment. I suppose this will stay in my subconsious, what with them saying their name so much and later I may become a potential coustomer. They really aren't telling you how much it costs to join the program tho...
I wonder sometimes, where those people go. what they think while they are saying their lines. and then what they do when they go home. Do they imagine the people who could see it? or are those audience members just numbers? do they have kids? families? they are deffinatly marketing to families here. boyfriends? cats? or are they reptile people? (I still can't understand that. I mean... just feeding the crickets to them, eep... and you can't cuddle with them at all)
Anyway, my point is... it's late - or early I suppose.
and it interests me that there is so much to think about out there. from one little infomercial (well long. very long. and kindof repeatative - so maybe I mean one boring infomercial) so many thoughts can be refected on. How many go unnoticed. or ignored for what ever one's own reasons are.
self-reflection/musing/brain flushing is always fun.
especially at... 2:22am*...
*xanga is one min fast!
So we're at Cosco, right?
and I'm standing in the line-where-they-will-let-you-buy-food-at-the-end-of-it because dad promised he'd get me a hotdog. I've been standing there for alittle bit because I knew that I had timed it just right: as soon as dad got out of the checkout line, he'd get me the hotdog in the line a mere two steps away from him, giving him no excuses.
Meanwhile these other people start to file in behind me, including a nice, sweet little old lady-type-person.
Enter dad on scene after checkout:
Dad: You're already in line for the hotdog hmm? you dont waste any time...
Me: Yup!
Dad: Do you have any money?
Me: ...Nope!
and as timing would have it, I get to go right, exactly then, to order.
later I find out about the continuation of the scene:
Me: ...Nope!
Nice, sweet little old lady-type-person: < chuckles to my father > That's what husbands are for, right?
Dad: ... < grin > uh, that's my daughter...
yeah, he's been beaming ever since.
Dad...
is on vacation! YAY!
but we are at his office... how did that happen?
oh wait, we're leaving.
wow.
I'll update for real when I get home... I think.
Four...
lbs of slate, meet my toe.
Third...
asignment of scholarship porgram: fifteen min till completed.
Second...
progect (book cover) already well on it's way.
First...
day this summer that I've really felt like I was busy with always something to do.
I spent...
a grand total of 7 hours using the program today. I'm almost done re-making one of the three projects that were lost this year. yayness. new and improved too, with 3D effects and more time to mess around... heh heh heh.
Dad's alittle upset about how much it was, and the fact that Doreen just went out and got it... puts alittle of a damper on it. But I've wanted this so bad and I'm soooo happy. Something this good for me couldn't be that bad for someone else... right?
I dont know how to say this...
so that you understand...
how absolutely amazing...
it is...
that I, Carrie Joyce,...
now have, in my possession,...
my very own (fully legal) copy of...
...Adobe Illustrator.
I guess...
I've been having issues coming up with more uplifting material lately, it all seems rather excessivly teen angsty. so I was reluctant to update.
Summer time has always been alittle bit of a downer for me in some respects. I mean I miss my family over here all the time, during the year but that doesn't change the fact that I loose my life where I have friends, and a nice leasurely summer doing absolutely nothing at "home," when I come here. I've always wondered what that would be like... Plus I tend to grow alot maturity wise. It's rather like being on your own in some ways when you're with a family that you rarely see and have to make your place there (again...), after growing/morphing so much since the last visit.
I get stressed. clearly. and there are some complications with finding one's place around here with a few other family members.
But I get to see them! and I love them. and they quite clearly love me. It's one big buddle of love with complications that can drive one insane.
and tile.
Lots of tile. My dad's nice - he saved the living room floor for me all year. 4 lb tiles of slate we have to measure, cut, morder, and place perfectly in place over the entire living room. time consuming. especially with two little kids running around and begging to "help". yup. I'm learning about paticence.
Today...
~ fixed downstairs computer
~ saw spiderman 2 (yes mom, it was good )
~ took kids to park - played kick ball
~ got two new shirts given to me
~ finished letter
~ read more of book
all in all a nice leasurely day that I just kinda padded on through.
Tho, I could have sworn yesterday was Friday...
I dont...
like to be challenged incesently.
Do you know what I mean?
When a question is asked. and the person asking is really demanding that I give a certian answer, but in actuality they dont know what they are talking about. So, in all honesty I have but one solid, true, and valid answer to give - but unfortunately it is not the other person's. In most instances this is fine and normal. But in some cases the person asks again.
and then again...
and again...
as if somehow my answer would change. not that it does.
so, again with the question.
and then I get annoyed. I no longer care to answer. I demand to know what the answer is that the person wants and why mine will not be accepted. muh. I get so frustrated. But I have to keep cool. Because if I loose it, for just an instant, then all of my former arguments are discounted - including the veiwpoint itself.
I have (finally) learned to do semi-well under this type of pressure. To stay aloof and pretend I dont get it. that I'm fine with just repeating, repeating, repeating...
Not that I dont understand where the person is coming from. Often they are right for their own self. Like the advice they give me is right for them. That's all well and good, thanks.
< sigh > but I get irritated...
Holly will like this one...
| Informationi |
| Eldriyal is a restricted area. Authorized personnel only |
From Go-Quiz.com
Now, the question you have to ask is:
How do we know if you're authorized?
My little brother...
at the early age of 6 has written his first song.
The Anthony Song
Hey Hey Hey
Hey Hey
My little puppy!
Hey
I love you so.
and he sang it for me too.
I just had to share it.
The network....
thingy my dad has set up drives me insane. so I finaly just connected the computer straight to the modem. yay me.
Feeling...
better, just a bit of after effects. Thanks for all your love guys.
In the last three days I have finished three books. aren't you proud?
Bonjour Tristesse, Francoise Sagan - short and sweet, written by an 18-year-old, I finished it in under three hours. it impressed me with it's deapth and intensity of the characters in it. I must also comment on the amazingness of the book's design, simple, clean white with three colors making up the images... < siiiigh > I'm in love. The navey type annoyed me tho... often it's shade would change from page to page and I had to leave the story to figure out what was wrong, muh.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling - yeah, I finally read this one, after watching the third movie and all. It took me a long time to get into, I was annoyed that there were so many details in it that didnt seem to have anything to do with the actual story line. But some of the most annoying did turn out to mean something, so it's all good. It was a nice, long, getaway. I was surprised to find my dad is one of those people who doesn't like Harry for what it stands for... who would have thought? especialy since he was ok with it two years ago...
Slaughterhouse - Five, Kurt Vonnegut - just finished this one today... I love this book! There are so many twists and turns to this story, so many little motifs that are brought through it. I was fasinated. and it's all written in these snipits, like tinny tiny stories that make up the one big one. How is it that Vonnegut could talk about the horrors of WWII, the pain it caused the adverage man, and the way a mind protects itself while still being funny? I was often horrificly surprised I was laughing... but I think that's a good thing.
So, now, on so many recommendations from all over, I'm reading The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold... I'm alittle nervous about it... I know how I get, but I think the "emotional strain" will be worth it from what I've been told.
I am...
in a horrible mood.
I feel like a missunderstood teenager. Everything irritates me. and all I want to do is either talk to my friends or hide in a book.
This is bad. It's something I've never felt before - not really anyway...
At first I blamed it all on the fact that my dad won't let me download AIM onto his new computer. but really, that's silly. I have AIM express, and I can call peoples if I want to. So now I'm thinking it's more serious. That I'm just covering up what I'm really upset about with silly things.
Which sucks.
Cause it means I have to go figure out and face those more serious things.
Dang it.
I'm here!
all the way over in OR now...
and I haven't been updating...
and I had no internet access...
and neither of the parents here understood at all...
but look! I was perfectly stubborn and annoying until they let me on!
SO!
I slept through the entire flight really.
but I was deffinately awake when I went though LAX... it was rather heart grinding for me - in that I couldnt' leave to go and be there. it was like staring at a whole city of people carlessly eating brownies when you had been longing to taste that soft, sweet, melting sensation... < sigh > I suppose it just enforced my reslove.
This is Hannah I've snuck on to the xanga. I should really put something incriminating here. BUt she's coming
uhhh
damn
My oldest...
memory is in Legal Sea Foods.
The way I remeber it (/made sense of it):
- I was sitting on the hard wooden floor of my grandmother's dining room, against the wall
- I could only see under the table, which included the legs of a man, the legs of a woman (mom), and the table cloth
- My mother was talking to Uncle Steave
- My mother was explaining how much she loved lobster legs and didnt want to give him one
- I wanted to try one because she said that they were so good
- I was given a lobster leg and couldnt figure out why they were so good
The way it happened:
- I was sitting in a car seat next to my mother's chair on the floor
- I could only see under the table, which included the legs of a man, the legs of a woman (mom), and the table cloth
- My mother was talking to my father
- My mother was explaining how much she loved lobster legs and didnt want to give him one
- I wanted to try one because she said that they were so good
- I was given a hollow lobster leg and therefore couldnt figure out why they were so good
The memory intrigues me because I didn't notice, until today, that that is probably the only memory I have of them being married.
... Though I just suddenly realized that probably the only reason I remember it at all is because the lobster leg was red. and I remember learning that babies see first in black and white, and then red. I'm thinking the lobster leg was the first really red thing I saw.
That's so... typicaly me.
"...Well... I remember the color..."
There we have it... school is officaly out.
and I am soo pissed that I'm leaving.
I go through this faze every other year. where I suddenly get so angry that I"m being forced to leave the friends I'm close to... to spend my whole summer alone in some respects. I'm a very social person. I hate the feeling of having noone care. That their lives can go on without me, just as good as before I left...
not that I dont want their lives to be good...
and so I hit my catch 22 and it really all starts with my own thinking. My believing that I am leaving something good for something less good. My feeling that I want the people here to need me more then the people I"m going to - therefore allowing me a reason to stay.
Which is silly, when I think about it.
My little sister, for instance, has been waiting all year for me to come back - is ever so excited to see me, talk to me, play, imitate... My little brother - he's so clever, he listens and learns from everything we talk about, and I love to explore with him... My dad - well, I need to see him just as much as he may need me... My stepmother - how I try and make things easier for her, and our conversations late into the night... not to mention my dog - and our long peaceful walks...
Then I consider how God works.
And I realize... I know ablsolutely nothing about what my life is gonna be like. I hace no idea where I am most needed, where I will be happiest, what I can do in any one place. Ultimately, I just gotta go. and do my best. Trusting in the fact that He deffinately knows more then me.
How relaxing is that?! All I gotta do is be.
I can do that. and I can do that happily.
OKI! Moving on...
...from this horrific weekend... *COUGH*...
right into...
Latin exam... yay. not.
and I dont really want to talk about the other stuff - so.
end.
I'm thinking...
...I freak out rather easily.
I think I don't react well to things that scare me. and that I need to make sure I can keep my composre. To stay calm and just trust.
Because I know that we're being protected right? and I know that we always have everything we need... but sometimes I get scared. and then i don't remember like I should. I like can only retain it for a few min - and then I give in.
And everytime this happens, I am proved yet again that God is good, and strong, and always there... so why do I forget?
It is amazing that even when I do forget, I'm still ok.
and I'm thankful... for Him... and for everyone that cares.
Even if sometimes it's hard to deal with...
Yeah so...
I rocked the mock audition today be proud - but I must sleep, so I will actually update later...
When stepping into...
other characters i find that it does me no good to think about who I'm turning into. but if I just step right in and let the character flow through me, as if I already know who and how that character is, then I find that I get a result that actually rings true. it's like I need to go straight to the creative state first and then move back and see if I have a step I should focus on cause I'm missing something with the character.
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
but I like feeling the other person slip into my hands, hips, and feet - as they try on my body for size. And if I'm too into making sure I have all the details from class down I can't get myself to let them do that.
I bring this up because our acting final is tomorrow. and I got it. a once brilliant run through. go me.
now if I could just remember who wrote those plays...
Ever...
noticed how week by week your life changes? how every day it has the potential to change so much? and how you can make almost any moment that moment that changes it? one week you could be struggling with something that seems interminable, and then you take that moment, and you demand of yourself the strength to act, and just like that, the moment is gone. and you've managed to change your life. again.
week after week.
But you know how you could be waiting for a moment to come and change your life? and you're all ready for it to smash you upside the head. but then you find, when it does, that it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. And you lower your gaurd, turn around, and find yourself face to face with a whole other moment you never expected to face. and it changes your life. again.
day after day.
And sometimes it's for the worst, and you wonder what would happen if you could have just tweeked that second, or not had that happen, or changed that one little detail. But eventually you find that you actually learned something from it, found something of value in it - that not only has your life changed, but you have as well. again.
moment after moment.
It fasinates me. Realizing why I've made some of the choices I have. Realizing why others have made theirs. And I find that it is those moments I want my life to be made of. Because they are exciting. Because they teach me. Because they push me forward. It is then I feel I'm living my life to the fullest.
Just...
had a converstaion basicaly all about boys vs. girls in the way they think/need to deal with problems. ehmeh. sometimes it'd be nice if people just knew some stuff without having to learn it...
On a brighter note...
my room is sooo messy! but absolutely so much cleaner then it's ever been before! you see, there is stuff crawling on every inch of my floor. it has formed little cities, where it seems to multipy and build up piles, each an unique little sculpture of a town. all that stuff srounds and worships the black depth at the center of the swirling mass, the one, the only - trash bag. and everyday, each pile must sacrifice some of itself to the bag so that the whole of the pile may find a home, and once again be distinguishable as indivisual peices of stuff.
where did all this stuff come from you ask?
why the shelves! which are bare as can possibly be. empty and waiting. and clean and dusted. sparkling, as I can't ever remember them being before.
so you see...
my room is a mess.
but it is so clean.
it's amazing.
wow, oki well I actually did one... and it's sooo long. so read it if you're that interested. I tried to make them semi-amusing...
Layer One
*Name: Carrie Joyce... in some respects
*Birthdate: April 2 1987
*Birthplace: Brighten
*Current location: The biggest town in the country...
*Eyes: Brown - sparkly!
*Hair: Wavey, the best - shoutout to my hair that is brown
*Height: 5'2
*Righty or Lefty: Righty
*Zodiac Sign: Aries
Layer Two
*Your heritage: Italian, European
*Your weakness: tendency to get whiny if I'm feeling un-attentioned
*Your shoes you wore today: uh... feet!
*Your fears: failing to meet my potential/hurting others and not being able to fix it
*Your perfect pizza: Just plain - mushrooms and olives are good...
*Goal you'd like to achieve: maybe being able to connect with as many people I can around me
Layer Three
*Your thoughts first waking up: This morning? "AGH, the phone is ringing! wtf!"
*Your best physical feature: Hair? How about: when I can make my smile sparkle.
*Your bedtime: HAH - I dont even know that anymore
*Your most missed memory: either being in LA looking at the sunset, or Cedars - basking in the glow of having everything I need right then
Layer Four
*Pepsi or Coke: Coke normaly - I like the bright red can
*McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's "chicken" nuggets, Burger King fries, Wendy's frosty
*Single or group dates: all fun!
*Adidas or Nike: Adidas - shush.
*Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: er... nah...
*Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate with raspberries
*Cappuccino or coffee: yuck - but I like the word "cappuccino" better
Layer Five - do you
*Smoke: *cough* *hack*
*Cuss: I do every now and then it comes and goes in phases...
*Sing: all the time
*Take showers daily: every other, not good for the hair daily
*Have a crush: not for a while - those things are dangerous!
*Think you've been in love: I do love, I'll fall in actual love when I'm 26
*Want to go college: very much so, only dont get me thinking about it
*Want to get married: I have the dress picked out! (KIDDING) - yes.
*Believe in yourself: believe I'm being taken care of - that I can do my best and that's good enough
*Get motion sickness: nope - I can go "up or down or out or back..."
*Think you're attractive: more or less... prom pics worry me...
*Think you're a health freak: of course. ... no.
*Get along with your parents: often
*Like thunderstorms: yes!
*Play an instrument: pretty violin
Layer Six - in the past month
*Gone to the mall: uh... I forget...
*Eaten an entire box of Oreos: < sigh > I wish - but I'm eating frosting right now!
*Eaten sushi: ew
*Been on stage: hehe yes! - I think... yes!
*Gone skating: they assume I can...
*Made homemade cookies: tried to... failed.
*Gone skinny dipping: dangit!
*Dyed your hair: never, stay away
*Stolen anything: nah
Layer Seven - ever
*Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: nope. I have missed alot of parties for it too
*Been called a tease: heh. no..... ..... . alright, yes.
*Got beaten up: um, no.
Layer Eight
*Age you hope to be married: 27 - perfect
*Number and name of children: 2? and one adopted and a cat - names later...
*Dream wedding: huh... never dreampt... I have a dream family life...
*How do you want to die: um, yeah, whatever - but not before I've done everything I feel I'm supposed to
*Where do you want to attend college: SVA
*Dream job: graphic designer, turned co-manager of an angensy, mag, etc - fun stuff on the side
*Country you want to visit: Italy
Layer Nine - In a guy/girl
*Best eye color: dont care but the eyes should be aware and have depth
*Best hair color: don't care
*Short or long hair: it's up to them, not too much gell tho - ew
*Height: taller then me, not too hard to do.
*Best weight: whatever.
*Best clothing: classy? shows they actually know how to present themselves well
Layer Ten
*Number of drugs taken illegally: um... none, silly.
*Number of people I could trust with my life: tough...
-people who would do what they could if they weren't busy: tons.
-people who would drop everything: 2-3 I think... (not including parents)
*Number of CDs that I own: endless - where did they come from!? but I love them
*Number of piercings: ears - for pretty shiney things
*Number of tattoos: ouch - nah
*Number of times my name's been in the news: paper or on TV? maybe three in the local paper... and I'm counting pictures there - oh, right, and all the stuff my mom has written with me in it...
*Number of scars on my body: one on my lip - jumping on matress inccidnet when i was 2 or 3
*Number of things in my past that I regret: nothing really, I learned from those
Hehe...
I have access to all this music through Jibben now!
YAY going back to middle school / LA days...
other then that... I'm pretty much just going motion by motion. so much so that I actually did chores today and enjoyed them. but I think it's only a sign of depression if it's things you used to love-and-dont-anymore, not things you used to not-love-and-do-kinda-like-for-a-moment-now.
I'm not depressed, don't worry... I'm happy alot of the time, actually. I love all my friends, and I adore the ability (that has been beaten into me since before I can remember) to be able to see good around me even when I feel like I'm missing it in other places. I've noticed that it's always somewhere if I look.
So, I'm good. Just quiet.
The Sky...
looks like orange highlighter was scribbled all over it -
I dont know if I think this is pretty or not...
I've re-found a good way to distract myself.
Here we see a few of the wonders of HTML code in effect.
I figure I like the feeling of getting a new little trick up my sleeve, so I should teach myself a bit more.
Some of these things I have no idea what they mean, but I'm gonna mess around with them anyway...
Oh my...
I have no drive. I don't want to do anything but distract myself. but productive stuff doesn't help...
If you have a smiget of time, I could really do with some nice good thoughts sent my way in any form whatsoever.
0
but he never drove away from me.
Oki oki...
so my every-waking-moment has been for him lately. but I think that's excusable as I'm going to miss him...
tho it does mean I haven't written anything in forever.
Today I shall depict how great the community is that I grew up in.
There are reletively few Christian Scientists around and about so it is a rare occasion to find yourself surrounded by them, which is sad. but it also means that one knows in some way most everyone else. Especially at the church center and it just so happenes that 2004 Annual Meeting is taking place at the moment, meaning there are tons of CS people from all over have flown in to go to it. If you were to come in on such a day, and pass through the church center to say, go to the Pru, you'd find youself surrounded on all sides.
I brought him in on such a day (being yesterday). Not only that, but we were with my mother... who is well known as she writes and edits articles for spirituality.com.
Now see, I'm used to this:
You're walking with the people you know (family, friends), and suddenly this person - who can only be described as a "wonderful smiling person"- is walking full speed with their arms out saying with much excitement "Oh, goodness! It's so amazing to see you!"
This is then met with the same amount of excitement: "Oh, wow! how are you!? I haven't seen you since *name thing of three years ago*! This is my daughter, this is my son (or vice versa)" yesterday was the added "and this is her boyfriend!"
Everyone smiles, hugs, talks and then leaves. It's a 3 min excursion at most, usually.
So after the end of about four of these on our way into the mall, he turns to me and exclaims: "Your mother knows everyone! and they are all so happy!and have so much energy!" I laughed and declared that see?! I wasn't as weird as everyone thought for being that way.
Oki, so now that I've explained alittle bit this community I've grown up in... I have to say thank you. There is no possible way I could have been so happy my whole life without it. And I love the way it, as a whole, accepts anyone and anything. Sure someone can mess up, but it is always there to remind them that life is awesome and worth being happy for.
There is my loong depiction to say thanks.
**Here we have a little note, buried at the bottom of this huge entry, because I wish to wish "Happy Birthday" to my mother... shhhh**
*SWOOSH*
and suddenly I am soo umbelieveably tired. There was one point in the day where I was awake, loving the sun, shopping for my life, and bargining it up.
now? I am dead. like a goldfish seen floating at the top of the shiney glass fishbowl of life.
sweet dreams guys. thanks for the great week.
4
So... prom...
oki. I have honestly never had that much fun at a dance, ever.
First: like I have mentioned, my dress was awesome. I had a blast wearing it - and it didn't even stop me from dancing! (more on that in a min)
Second: So many of my favorite people were there! oki... I didn't really have time to talk to them or anything, but it was nice to have the last memories of the seniors
Third: the best chocolate mousse* thing ever was served with raspberry sauce
Fourth: Kartik can dance! o.m.g. he threw me all over that dance floor! it was like out of some silly girlish fantasy of actually dancing at some important dance/ball-type-thing. At least one I had... and so much fun! we only fell down once during an extremely dramatic dip. and! people were good about us dancing all over the place too, they gave us plenty of space
Fifth: Afterwards, we just went to Ming's hotel place and cuddled to sleep. which was perfect...
oki. so there's all my happy rantings/gushy stuff.
now. being a junior. I am as tired as any, but find before me the task of physics lab and english research paper... heh. I need good thoughts!
5
*wtf is "mouse" spelled "mouse"? how does that not sound like a sqeaky mouse covered in chocolate to people?
... aaaah got it. it's spelled "mousse" thanks!
NICE
I am so full of confidence! I look great! HAH. well at least to my standards. I LOVE tendrals! I LOVE my dress! and I LOVE the earrings I had to make two seconds ago just to have some that I could wear with the dress!
6
Why!?
do I only seem to work well on a deadline?!
'cept with anything Graphic Design related... maybe that's how one finds their true calling - find what you can get done with or without a deadline. Then you know you love it.
7
Alright!
~1000 hugs! yeees... I've been waiting for that!
~Prom is on Wendsday-Thrusday. I'm looking forward to it. yay!
~ my weekend did actually go quite well, for the most part, mostly
8
There is something...
really nice about hearing the words "I miss you"
my lovely acting resume as it is now... consider the "special skills" section disclaimed
Carrie Joyce
1-234-567-8910
eye color: brown
hair color: dark brown, slight red shine
height: 5”2’
weight: 127lbs
age range: teenager
vocal range: -----
Theatre - Acting: Fiddler on the Roof: Sheldon Harnick, Yente; The Creation of the World and Other Business: Arthur Miller, Eagle; A Midsummer Night’s Dream: William Shakespeare, Mustard Seed; Playing for Time: Arthur Miller, Etilina; Fiddler on the Roof: Sheldon Harnick, Yente; Anybody for Tea: C.B. Gilford's, Amantha
Theatre - technical: Properties Design & Execution Chair for Haymarket Eight: Derek Goldman and Jessica Thebus
Directing: Assistant directing for A Midsummer Night’s Dream: William Shakespeare
Music/Pit: Anything Goes: Cole Porter, violin; Carnival: Michael Stewart and Bob Merrill, violin
Education/Training: New York Actor’s Workshop; Acting and Play Study 1 & 2; Makeup Workshop
Special Skills: Whistling, Wiggling nose, Playing violin, Singing on pitch, Taking care of children, Graphic design, Writing creatively, Writing poetry, Connecting with people, Compromise well, Reading comprehension quickly, Layout, Color, 3 years of Latin, Long distance running, Endurance, Discipline, Advising/looking out for friends/people, Kind, Patient, Understanding, Being uplifting, Practicing Christian Science, Keeping in touch with people, Designing call boards, Drawing with pastels and oil pastels, Keeping calm when others cannot, Saving money, Organizing events, Officer of high school drama company, Teaching and guiding others, Affecting the world around me positively
Good Times...
Treated to dinner by six guys. heh heh heh.
I was looking through memrobilia....
And Suddenly!
I found about fifty billion (tho perhaps just ten) poems that I had completely forgotten about and were in desperate need of typing up.
So, today I have, for your reading pleasure (or pain), some of them. *I wrote these freshmen year and before...*
Tick…
Laughing like a fading wind
Time chuckles at the life it curses
Unbeknownst
Hidden from my senses –
eyes so pearly, green and blue,
protecting me – faith
The Everyday
Above the sandbox
Fly the birds,
singing their song of praise
Above the sandbox
Fly the clouds,
moving to the rhythm of the world
Above the sandbox
Fly the planes,
passing so slowly in watch
Above the sandbox
Fly the sand clumps,
sailing to the sound of a mother’s scolding
From Within
The devil kissed me
Left me burning
I had melted in his arms
The devil held me
Lost in fire
I was trapped in death
Burning up
Dying slowly
I craved relief
But the heat of him,
Seemed all I wanted
The eyes of fire,
All I needed
I fought him
As I cried for help
Fighting his spirit
As it cried for me-
Trying to win
Wanting to lose
The silent screeches
That tore my heart
The devil kissed me
Left me burning
I had melted in his arms
The devil held me
Lost in fire
I was trapped in death
Burning up
Dying slowly
I craved relief
The devil kissed me
But I won
Man...
I'm just so inspired to get on with my life right now! it must be the impending end of the school year coming up. all I want to do is go to college and spend all day everyday learning anything computer graphic related. I think it's also because I've come up with a great project this time.
Also the greatness of Communication Arts Magazine which is just always so informative and encouraging.
I have found that I forget what the other things that people want to do are... and why. what got you people into what you all want to do? do you even know?
White...
rubber bands are classy and elegant - in this very odd way.
The Rain...
feels like it's winter
and the sky is singing to me
each little drop a trasport away
where the sky turns grey
but is never cold
and I'm back home
This Weekend...
was all about the socializing! yayness.
Friday:
- bbq with kids I don't normaly hang with and wiffle ball which I'm still feeling, can you believe it?
- then a nice time with Kartik, perfectly innocent! I swear. really.
Saturday:
- morning pool party (freezing) which resulted in five guys me and a girl all in one couch, with both of us girls in no pants (they were in the dryer!!!) and loooots of Fantaisa - a much more dirty movie then we give it credit for
- Kartik and Jibben came by to keep me company while I cleaned my room - Jibben learned of the wonders of girls' magazines which answer sex questions
- last I had a nice night with my family during which the two afore mentioned boys scurried in and out
Sunday:
- church, always fun... guys! pick up the couch!
- our lovely open house party for mom to show off the basement - all the kids claimed the basement (as it should be) and all the adults stayed upstairs with all the food, we had some major major issues playing the game Mafia but it all worked out as I kicked everyone's butt when I was the namesake - sorry Chris. yes, they should have listened to your warnings.
- aaaaand Dena's b-day party, yay for my first time at Uncle Chungs
so there! and I didn't update cause... I was lazy.
Well...
I dont think I've handled this much stuff in one week for a long time. With the weirdest twists and turns, what's up with that? ultimately though who am I to doubt? How is it that things work out so... unexpectedly well?
Sybling Things:
(I am sleeping on the couch)
Anthony: She looks like a bagypian.
Annie: A what?
Anth: a bagypian! you know the state...
Annie: Oh! you mean an egyption!
Anth: yeah! a bagypian.
~ I wasn't really asleep... well not when they were talking over my head like that...
(Chris liked to make up his own jokes - loved being funny - was trying to get the hang of it, 8 years old)
Chris: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Mom+Me: Why?
Chris: To get to the other side... Why did the person cross the road?
Mom+Me: ... Why?
Chris: Cause he wanted to be a chicken!
~ it was clever! we cracked up!
(I had just been dancing around in my room. Annie is 5)
Me: I'm hot!
Annie: Yeah, baby.
~ where did she get that!?
Anth(on the phone): Who is it?
Someone: Mr. Someone.
Anth: Ok. ...Dad! It's Mr.Someone-else! (giggle giggle)
~ more clever then we give him credit for
Chris: Don't flip your hair back like that! Boys are watching!
~ looking out for my well being!
yeah... sometimes I love them.
That Which is Random...
we have been kicked out of the drama room for good (as in the rest of my high school career - I think) it's so sad!
and next year we're gonna be kicked out of our theatre... siiigh....
I'm learning the Rocky Horror Picture Show lyrics, finally!
I tried desperately to talk to so many people today. 8-9 at least and they all were busy or not there. bah! all you people who I haven't talked to in forever! pick up the phone! give me a good 20min! and I know you people read this too. (not to make those who do talk to me often feel like i dont like that too or anything) and yo. I haven't gone anywhere, hun.
enough ranting... ( is it clear I couldnt think of a good story? )
do you like the new tagline? (goodbye: "the opposite of war isn't peace... it's creation")
--
A Kid Today: "Look I found some space in your "little black book." Here's my number, don't call it."
what was the point!?
Lately...
making my classes more interesting by creating my lovely senior gift/momento - type things, and quite enjoying it actually. it's been a while since I've drawn like this and I feel so accomplished when each one is done. I'm even getting orders for more! fun times. five dollars please.
and...
weirdly, I think I became alittle harder this year. I was musing about it today on my way to class at one point and I found that some of the rose colored glass I used to look through seems to be tainted. I would say it's just maturity - but I don't like it. I don't like the icky feeling of a bad ending that I've been accepting lately. I guess ultimately it narrows down to who/what I'm trusting in, and I think I got kinda sucked into the feeling that nothing is really trustworthy unless I make it so. consequently I've been finding more things are crumbling around me. When did I get so suspisious? ah well, time to change my way of thinking...
< final grumble at seniors for a) it being their last week at school and b) leaving me *tear* >
Senior Caberet...
and I am now officaly an officer
and they actually ATE our cake
and I dont really feel sad that the seniors are going yet
but I dont think it's really hit me
though they all did wonderfully
and it is going to be weird being alone
still next year looks promising
even if we have to make it on our own
and there are no good cookies
and it will go by so fast
Still, all my love to 2OO4.
---
Boy One: Carrie, out of the whole drama company, you are really one of the only ones I like.
Me: Thank you...
Boy One: Though it's funny because you are also one of the only one's I'm not attracted to at all sexually.
Me: ...Thank you...
Boys Two, Three, and Four: Don't worry, Carrie! I'm attracted to you sexually!
Me: ... ...Thank you... ...
and no, you may not beat them up
When I Measured Myself...
I used my right hand, because - guess - I'm right handed. Therefore I came to the conclusion that my left arm was a certian width. However, being right handed, my right arm is going to be more musclar then my left - true? So, I am horrified to discover that, while the rest of the dress is amazing and fits perfectly, the right arm sleeve has proven too tight.
The dress also has the unfortunate side effect of resisting my arms so that I may only raise them high enough to assume the shape of a pitchfork with my arms bending to form the two outside prongs.
I also - do not look asian. sadly. I am still as white as ever. Priya would laugh.
And yet, I love it. And each time I wear it I get more used to it. I feel regal in it, as well as mystical. Now, all I really need is pretty jewerly to complete the outfit...
--
dude! the only rpg I can do at all and I rock at it!
--
You have a guardian angel no doubt about it. Even
though you haven't exactly seen him, he's
watching over you without-a-doubt.. who knows..
maybe it's love?
would an angel, demon, or pure evil fall for you? (now w/ pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
hmmm... that's nice...
This...
is the update that will be
I fell asleep five times yesterday....
Once on the couch
Once in the car
Once before dinner on my bed
Again on a different couch
And finally I went to bed
And I keep having the craziest dreams... they are still kinda creepy and they involve like everyone I know... so if I know you I've probably dreamed about you this last week - it's so scary.
...ew what's wrong with me? I sit around and think about my friends all night! get out of my head! jerks.
AND why does hannah insist on commenting on my xanga through hers!? can she just be normal - once!?
And So For This Play...
I'm officaly over Yented. I did the "stick of cloth" blooper during Anyatevica, again. I couldn't believe it. and I have a new found disslike/understanding for any and all matinee theatre productions.
I am seriously going to miss all those great little kids. and the seniors, but I dont feel like they are gone yet... "ah, but what's the use complaining? other women enjoy complaining..." I have to get my head to stop thinking in the Russian accent!
Actually one of the coolest things this weekend is that I had a really really tight/long conversation with someone whom I've not really gotten along with my whole High School career. It was like once we got going we just couldn't stop sharing. And there is really something cool about just being able to unload sometimes into a whole new perspective - without any worries about the other person getting upset because you never really got along anyway. not that I'm suggesting total alienation as a means to a good end in most cases...
Lady w/ friends: I've seen a bunch of girls I thought were Yente walking through but every time I try to congragdulate them I am given weird looks...
Me: Well, I was Yente.
Lady: Oh. ... You aren't nearly who I would have thought was Yente.
Me: Thank you... .
Hannah...
tried to portray me in the entry below this... to clearify I know how to spell ridiculous... yeah. right.(shut up hannah) so anyway... and crane... you know what I'm not even gonna account for spelling - if you see, right there to your left is my disclaimer - and jeez, I"m not THAT bad. ( I dont think...)
and I already mentioned my colors... and... I hate her.
though it was weird to find both my sweet friends Priya and Hannah wearing fishnet tights... and! it is opening night... you better come. I was pictured in the newspaper for it
I haven't updated in a while.
My neck hurts becuase I always have to crain it upwards as Yenta. to clearify, though, I don't mind playing the part as much as I once did.
Hannah wants you to know that she exists. She says "NO DON'T SAY THAT!" haha, female dog
Tongiht's opening nite. So today I am wearing a skirt and some pretty colors. Hannah and Priya are silly, they're whereing fishnet stockings.
I changed the colors on my site. Isn't it pretty? Give me more hugs!
Though now i'm on 779. It's rediculus
That's all for now... Hannah is yelling at me... silly person
Tech week...
so highly unlikely I'll update... but possible...
Yente's Show and Tell...
My Scarf: a fiting gift for the work I did for Golde's parents in matching her up with Tevye, but for a good life choice like that it should not be the last.
My Basket: When I was six my older sister wove it for my mother. She loved it dearly as all mothers should but never got a chance to pick the flowers she had wanted to as she was struck with a killing cold that winter. Instead my family was about to burn it with everything else that might have been touched but as it was giong out the door I stole it and hid it out in the woods. I have kept it ever since and filled it with flowers every spring in rememberance of her. when I got too old to go out to pick flowers well I began to use it as my purse. it has been with me ever since, I coverd the bottom with a scrap from my father's tattered winter jacket which I inheritied after he died, oldest forgotten trunk
My Cane: My husband, having been as much of a failure as he was had stole this from his father's house when he found he needed one and had no money to spare - at least no money I could give him, I thought keeping it from him would give him insentive to find a respectible way to earn a living. When he died, I threw it into the closet in the back of the cold bedroom and only took it out again when my ablity to walk fell to drasticly low levels. I hate the cane, but think it hated my husband too so I feel rather a comradity with it, we have an understanding...
My Dress: It was my one almost-high expense on clothes I ever let myself make. I had lost weight in my waist but gained in my butt what with my slumping and limp so I figured it was important to get a large shirt and a fancy top to add class. I went to the budding tailor Model to get him to make it for me. He charged me half what a normal tailor would for he had never made a full dress before and really only specialized in men's suits. but as I was too old to see the small stiches myself he worked through it for me. I would be much more thankful for it if it weren't for the fact that I had to find a way to redo most all the seams and I overheard him talking to some young person about the sillyness of a matchmaker and how I was a poor, almost out of date old lady.
No lead in...
Sunday School rocked today... had a whole revelation type thing - I can always tell when I've found the "thought" that will help me because it really clicks and then my lazy eye starts working on it's own and the whole world changes perspective, pretty cool actually. Now all I have to do is change my whole way of thinking to the point of overcoming my problems... yup. that's it.
This whole weekend has been kindof a blur to me. SATs took up my whole saturday morning, and then I didnt go home from hanging with the Kart until like four but it felt like noon to me. and then I got sucked into my book - which always screws with my perseption of time. and THEN I watched Momento (a freaky movie in itself - which, while cool, I didn't find satifying). when that was over, I fell back into my book until all hours of the night.
so saturday was a time warp and today moved slowly to me.
end of entry.
AGH...
...SATs. well, we'll see what happens. and that's all I have to say on the matter.
...first ant of the summer < grumble > they are back and just as big and squishy - why am I on the east cost!?
Me: < looking at picture of Oswald being shot> It looks like he's tickling him!
Issac: yeah, with a gun.
Tidbits:
*today's high was play practice which I did well
*though Rumor will most likely be cut
*tomorrow Priya is gonna bring me a pretty Indian shirt to wear for international day - not that I'm Indian or anything but yay!
*at one point I suddenly found that everyone I was talking to was mad at me - in the form of taking out their grumpiness on me, not fun
*I know a few more secrets
*I wore pink for the first time in like forever - and yeah, lol, the only reason I never did was ilex
*tried to fix a few mistakes, so what else is new?
*wore braids, fun flashback to 1st-3rd grade
much love guys, night.
661 hugs!?
who did that!?
On happy US History laptop...
It's period 5 and I'm almost done with the school part of this day.
...then play practice (which has been proving more fullfilling lately, tho still lasting till six at night)...
...then a project...
getting home around nine... blagh
Hannah says HI. because horror of horrors I almost forgot to mention she was here
OH and btw! my brother and my mom found that spider that scared me the other night and they agree! it was HUGE and BLACK and freaken evil spider! yeah. exactly. so stop teasing me.
Let's say it's pretty late...
You've been working for a while on a physics lab and a US History paper when you finally decide to go on AIM, just to relax a bit and have some company. You're talking to a few people on and off and not really paying attention to every freaken detail of the conversation. So you miss one word. One word. and in effect you then miss every single dirty joke made through the rest of the convo and unknowingly walk into hundreds of traps.
The next day you are teased about it relentlessly and still don't know what the person is talking about.
Sure of yourself you go into your logs...
Open the log...
Zero in on the quote...
And suddenly realize what was said.
Now, it's a frantic read through as you catch every joke made from then on, knowing it's extra funny for the person who knows you're baffled.
How would you get back at them?
|
Wow
I must have reached some break through today. I've had four people come to me with their stuff in the last hour ...and I love it! I feel like I'm out there again and able to help!
Jeez, these last three weeks have been kinda a downer on the "Helpful Carrie" end. It happens in shifts I guess... I'm really extroverted and all pumped to make the world better and then I just expend all my energy and fall into this totally introverted state where the only ones who I really talk to are the ones who reach to me. Which is nice to have every now and then. and then I kinda weed out people, or add new in and rearrange the whole thing! kinda refreshing actually - tho exausting at times. what with missing some and having to learn about others and etc.
So yeah! I'm free again! and I have sooooo oooo much reading material to go to if I'm feeling over extended... this is great!
... oh, and school tomorrow once again - ew.
... oh, and I hate the way I photograph. but I've done all my spring shopping! (not that those two notes relate or anything)
IS DONE.*
When do you think i should maybe finally have my birthday party? and do you think there will EVER be a year when I have it on time? and! do you wanna come?
*aside from all the rest of the stuff we have to get done
*Finally ordering my dress
*Getting rid of some weird stuff that downloaded itself onto the comp while I was away
*Figuring out the little bit of coloring HTML
*Going to the dentist and being brave for the novicane, even after yesterday
*Doing the dishes
*Wiping all the books clean of dust
*Buying LOTS of junk food at Stop and Shop
all in all not too bad.
Now, if I could just get myself to study for the SATs. heh. yeeeah.
| You are 24% geek | |
| OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you. | |
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com
Let's see if I can do this...
niiiice, do you like the little things I figured out to make my site all that much more fun?
Oki... so it doesn't look like much, but it took a bit of puzzling for me to figure it out. so be proud! that's an order!
... tho I might be having too much fun with this...
...but everytime I go to the dentist and get novicane it has this really odd effect on me. I think it has something to do with loosing control of part of me, or just loosing it. I try to keep my composure and just smile (not that that's possible or anything) but I still end up in tears. just like randomly. I'll be fine and "smiling" one moment and then break down suddenly into whimpering tears. it's really weird. like my body is crying, but I'm not. course then I get mad about it... lol... all in all tiz not the best experience ever.
On a completely different/random way more importantI have found my quazi-deffinition of love to be -
first - that one is willing to sacrifice for the other's happiness and/or "betterment"
second - to have the love enrich itself there needs to be trust, the undoubted ceritianty that the other would always be willing to be there and would always be there for the other (keeping in mind that all are human)
so basicly sacrifice and trust/accountablity... that makes sense to me... maybe everyone's deffinition of love is different and that is one of the major factors in finding those few one can connect with - and likeability factor too
HAH! hannah, take that!
didn't even have to make a new entry...
horrible person! disclosing my brilliant secret plan!
but we are freaks: you're the weird one, I'm the quirky one... it works
yeah we do. good looking chicks...
so do people just do that!? can people just do that!? suddenly they are no longer your friends? they are gone and lost forever, unwilling to talk, unwilling to share, just lost?
I can't handle it! I can't stand it.
why does this happen? what did I do wrong? what is wrong with me? how can I be so loved one moment and so not the next?
it just hurts.
even tho I'm receiving love from so many other places, so many great people...
I have this ache. I just want to let go. but I worry if I do I'll be lost to them as well. and that wouldnt' be right... where do I find balance?
Say hello to the proud holder of a brand new checking account!
oki... well ALMOST. getting it today. and pretty checks. I want pretty checks!
Yesterday... I had the best time on the planet. Went out to lunch - yay lovely steak and cheese hot sandwhiches from... however you spell where we went... then we went to the park for a good 2-3 hours! it was so great! just wandering and exploring, and getting lost. getting lost is always the best part. we ended up surounded by nothing but mudd and had to make a run for it, just when we could see our destination. and THEN, because there's more like that, we went to ben a jerry's for a nice cool end. I'm not sure I could ask for anything better.
so there's my happy recounting of the day... and the afore mentioned coming of my checking account, which, in turn will lead to the buying of my dress - and yay! I never expect the money to appear like it does... but it often just does that...
... I had my very first best friend - Riely
... we were fasinated by the fact that we had the same disney underpants
... I was over protective of the birthday cake I brought in for my class
... but I still stole icing from it when other people couldn't see it
... my dad went to that birthday
... there was this big matt on the floor with a large circle on it made out of squares with numbers in them
... we had to sit there for circle time
... we found a butterfly out in the back which had had it's wing torn
... I think it was by this mean boy in the class
... I wanted to save it
... we gave it to a dad of some sort and in retrospect I think he killed it - he managed to "fix it" so well it "flew away"
... the playgroud was closed off by a tall and ugly brown fence
... it really wasn't that tall actually
... and the slide wasn't as tall as I thought either
... our school had no money
... our school couldn't buy construction paper
... consequently one afternoon the entire preschool class sat there and colored on plain white paper with brown, red, and green crayons
... the paper was then cut to form an apple tree on the wall
... we had nap time on these hard plastic excersize mats, I never really slept
... what a fool
Spring is coming. I can tell.
A nice big spider just scurried across my floor.
So I'm back out here, hiding. Every year it happens. The "first spider" agarophobia attack.
Courage, Carrie, Courage.
Things collected from friends' profiles:
"never give up on something you cant go a day without thinking about"
~ I think it's pretty self-sustaining...
(Peter sitting on couch, watching Dennis Miller Live)
Miller: I dont wanna go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first battle of Antietam. I mean, when a neo-conservative defenestrates, it's like rescalmicough filibuster dioximonohydroxinate.
Peter: What the hell does rant mean?
~ I LOVE this show!
FiDDLER ON THE ROOF
May 6th and 7th at 7:30
May 8th at 2:00 and 7:30
20 days until opening
~ eep... way sooner then I want to admit... shhhhhh...
tentacle rape = THE NO
~ donno why, just cracked me up
SmarterChild: Wouldn't you like me to taste your rainbow?
~ I wanna know what he said to get the computer to say that...
Eleanor Roosevelt - "One of the blessings of age is to learn not to part on a note of sharpness, to treasure the moments spent with those we love, and to make them whenever possible good to remember, for time is short."
~ again, rather self-sustaining... but worth while
Yente's dress is black! all black! but long and flowy and frilly and I twirl well in it - there is no doubt. I love walking up and down stairs in dresses like that. I have to lift up the dress and take dainty steps like a lady from long ago. it's so great.
another note: playing yu-gi-oh with my brother and I seem to be winning, HAH. not that I know what I'm doing or anything...
The sky is painted
with that dark grey concrete color
one can never understand wanting to duplicate
Thick and oozy,
dripping down every limb,
peeking over the leaves,
spilling over each surface -
darker and more forbidding
as light slowly fades
He is standing
framed by the mud,
letting it enfold from all sides,
refusing safety.
Sky drips down every limb,
peeks through the tears in his clothes,
spills over his back -
darker and more forbidding.
As the trees fade,
He disappears
yay for CP1 physics. I am ahead! I've done everything I needed to do... and now... well guess.
yeah so people around me are all going through their own things... and I feel kinda silly cause I have no problems. none. life is pretty good. hmmm... < grin > nm, I'm not complaining
silly update - bbl
** this update resulted in the pelting of popcorn thrown at me by my teacher...
You guuuuys! 500 hugs! I feel loved...
"You just stand there... looking cryptic!" ~BB5
Isn't it odd... that no matter what I do... things always seem to work themselves out? not that I really do anything baaad persay. but... I just can find it odd sometimes - the workoutedness of a life. and the perspective I get as time passes.
is it obvious that I've been going through my diaries and reading past musings?
Memory Retold Twice Today:
I am a very visual thinker and when I was in kindergarden or first grade the teachers bestowed on us these lovely pink work books in which words were to be scribbled next to their coresponding pictures.
So, I come home one evening with this lovely joke to tell to my mom which I thought was sooo clever and just the bestest:
Me: Knock Knock
Mom: Who's there?
Me: Cabbage.
Mom: Cabbage who?
Me: Cabbage in! It's cold out here!
Now, of course, I sit there beaming, thrilled by the brilliance of such a joke. My mom just looks at me.
Me: Get it?! Caaaaaabbage?
Mom: < blank stare > < thinking very hard > < thinking: wtf >
... and suddenly the light dawned -
Mom: Lettuce! you mean lettuce!
Me: Oh, yeah. I always get those two pictures mixed up...
I'M IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!
Ao Dai for 2003
can you believe this one costs less then each of the other ones!?
we all know I love dresses... this morning I looked around again...
**but they are all inferior!
found that one here - inoccent sexy.
here's to "here comes the world and she is beautifully mysterious"
I find I communicate relatively well with most everyone I meet.
I find I communicate really well with those who show even the slightest interest in communicating with me.
I find I communicate amazingly well with those who communicate well with most everyone they meet.
I find I communicate uncanningly well with those who communicate well with most everyone they meet and show even the slightest interest in communicating with me.
results do vary.
moral of findings: if you're not communicating well with me, it's your fault.
nah - it could be my fault for factors outside of these findings.
I was given today this very sweet looking wood sculpture of a turtle. It's shell comes off and displays a shallow dip into the body to hold what I automaticly thought was meant to be jewerly, change or other tidbits one throws in dishes of that sort. I carried it around all day as a nice little converstation peice and a reminder of the kid who gave it to me.
He tells me at the end of the day that it's supposed to be used to hold some sort of drug. He swears he had no idea about it before that morning.
Timing is everything.
Moment of reflection: who spends time carving pretty things for that?
PS.The word snarky sounds like it would be a fun word of some sort - I have learned it is not, we must changed the dictionaries for this is an outrage
Another Day
fave snipit:
I Can't Control
My Destiny
I Trust My Soul
My Only Goal
Is Just - To Be
There's Only Now
There's Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today
Yesterday I was quite sick, leading to today where I was quite weak, so now I'm much better and taking just one more day to pull myself together and get over it. I can tell you that there is a reason I only get sick after many years have past inbetween and do what I can to avoid it. it stinks.
and you can blame hannah for all the quizzes lately...
You are the Goddess of Water. You are a very
loving, you show your emotions out in the open.
You are full of wisdom. Also dreamy... You
would rather be sleeping then awake. But are
still very happy. You are most inspiration to
the other Four Goddesses since without water
there wouldn't be life. Other Water Goddesses: Aphrodite, Isis, Mariamne,
Mari, Tiamat, Yemaya, Ran, Kupala, Salacia
Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a neurotransmitter. You believe in the
good-naturedness of man's biology and soul.
You're happy, everyone's happy, and no one will
ever take that away from you. Or else you'll
make them go insane.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Spiritualist. Your magic flows from the
primal forces of the cosmos. You could be a
gentle Healer, a miraculous Prophet or a
spirit-summoning War-mage with the strong link
your soul provides to the realms beyond
reality. You have preternatural abilities,
intutively sensing the personality of people
you meet and discerning events yet to happen.
You enhance your aura with meditative pursuits.
You are a good judge of character but your
idealism or morality can confuse others.
Which Magical Order Are You In?
brought to you by Quizilla
this shall be a boring post in which I list the things I got for my birthday in the order of appearance:
~yiddle cute teddy bear
~b-day card number one with pic
~pretty sparkly shiny picture of pink roses
~cake in acting class
~blue wire necklace with clay flowers - doubles nicely as a wreath-like-tierra for one's hair
~The Survival Guide: Dating and Sex
~dangly silver disc earrings
~b-day card number two with inside jokes
~pretty and big black sparkly earrings
~cupcakes in latin
~b-day card number three hand-made by my brother
~hand-made clay sculpture of a dragon/bat/terridactal by my brother
~special call just to sing happy-birthday on my answering machine
~b-day card number four with $200
~10 red roses
~a sculpture of a fairy sleeping in a flower
~etched with color black glass earrings - shiney
~crystal tiny figurine of red roses in a vase
~dinner the end
and all these nice things and gifts beacause these people are just the best! and remembered and... goodness they may even love me... nice to see so obvious every now and then.
hehe, I felt special all day. It has been a good one. yay for expecting what you least expect
Like so many teenagers these days, when I come home I find it unbelieveably hard to get to work. Especialy if I have no clue what I'm actually supposed to be doing. Today was no exception. Therefore, I struggled with the lack of motivation/information in the MOST productive way... talking to all my lovely friends online and otherwise messing around (check out the new "mood" thingy on the side moduele - yours truely found the HTML and put it in all pretty).
At around 7:30 I finaly got out the scary hw I had refused to acknowledge and called a wonderful friend who was all too happy to tell me exactly what I needed to do. As in most such stories, the assignment proved to be endlessly easier then I would have thought. Yet, it was now 8 and I still had to write up the paper.
At 9:30 my bother comes out, and sees that I'm still on and won't let him watch his fave show: South Park. He stomps back into his room and spends five min annoyed and bored. This results in him popping his head out of his room to demand how long I had actually been working on the project (with the implyed: how long have I been doing nothing?). Feeling annoyed, grumpy, stressed, and yes, guilty, I respond as such: LOTS of loud words, a bit of swearing, and mumbling to myself.
I did, however, consiously refrain from calling him any really horrible names - and because of this I ended up saying with complete sincerity that he was a bug.
A bug. Not only that, but a bug who could be nice but chose to be annoying. Aka: a potentially nice bug. really I specified. I had this idea that if I clearified he could see that all hope was not lost.
I think I was out of my mind...
End of Story: Mom came home, made me apologize, Chris and I reminisced about the weird things I had said, I told him I really did love him, and all was well.
PS. This entry was, in no way, written while the afore mentioned paper was still being typed. it is printed and beautiful right next to me at this very moment.
I declare that as a decrepit old woman, I should not have to enact such a strenuous dance! doing the grapevine step three-thousand times faster then would be normal is just... not good for my back. I walk with a cane for goodness sake. AND I'm against the wedding! I'm thinking these are very good reasons to find myself a nice little seat on the bench where I won't be trampled and just be sour - sitting. Right? Right.
As for life outside of theatre... mine has reached the lovely age of 17 - well on Friday and I find I can't remember that, no matter how many times I am reminded... true stories!
Ilex: I'm gonna drop by on Friday for you!
Me: Really!? Cool. Wait, I think I have something happening....
Kartik: what are you doing on Friday
Me: nothing, why?
Me: Oh, yeah! My birthday is next week!
Derek: Wait, isn't it this Friday?
It's insane! I think I just have no real expectations for it. Or maybe I just dont want to have any. You know the old story where one's own expectations ruin the really good stuff that actually happens. So! at this rate of other people remembering better then me, Friday shall be a marvelous surprise! Ta-da!
You are Sweet Pea! You're sweet, good-natured, and
you always put other people first. Good grief,
you make me sick. You're probably quite pretty
too. And you like pink. And puppy dogs. (Sorry,
I mean Pup-Pea dogs). I'm sure you're a lovely
person, but really, could you be any more
annoying if you tried?
WHICH PODDINGTON PEA ARE YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla
but see... I like cats, and I dont really like pink all that much, so I'm not nearly as annoying as the person thinks...
You arent even a kind of chocolate! Youre caramel!
You like to be as different as possible- you
dont like people copying your style or your new
made-up words. You (caramel) are very different
from other people (chocolate) and you want it
to stay that way! You like being you! (please
rate!)
If you were chocolate, what kind would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yay Cara!
holy crap long entry...
doodeedoo... looking up info on women in the 50s... not that we can find anything on them. useless websites. AGH this teacher - sometimes... muh.
anyway, say hi to HANNAH - she demanded I metion her existance.
yeah. so. exciting. I'll write better when I get home.
notes from those beside me:
Tal loves Carol :)
aw... love back!
For the last two days, at around 4-6 in the afternoon, I seem to go into these really really happy moods. It's not even that I have lots of energy and/or am hyper. I'm just really happy. I think my mind is finaly sorting through and accepting crap that it's been worried about lately. Anytime it's thinking of filling me in on the final plan, I'm all ears.
creepy... again! dont hate me!
we saw the her play! it was good. I know its reveiws haven't been awesome but the play was actually worth while - even if it takes alittle getting used to. it is a really dark play, but some amazing singing, great acting, and fabulous sets. however, the best part for me was after the play was over.
I asked Alfre if I could have run of the stage and just hang out on it. And of course, it being a dark, empty, quiet, Broadway theatre, how could I resist the call to fill every corner of that auditorium with my voice? I spent a good half hour there, just cranking through show tunes, one after another. I even did two of the duets i have with ilex as tribute and wished she could have been there to sing with me. it felt really good. I still love design tho...
ah, we'll see.
Today I managed to be productive!
I copied myself five lovely CDs, two more for ilex, and one for my mother, showered, painted the basement more, did laundry, read some of my book, watched a movie, hung with kartik for a bit, ate, cleaned part of my room - the list just goes on! ah the things I can do when I have NOTHING better. hah! I've needed a day like this for a while.
Tomorrow I'm going to NY to see Alfre Woodard in her play "Drowning Crow". Twill be fun! nice little tea thing with her first and then to the play. I feel like I've seen a heck of alot of Time Square lately, not that I'm complaining. then we're gonna stop at my Uncle's house in Conneticut for the night, and then back home. this means that i do miss a day of school < gasp >
I'm excited. it's been a while since our family has gone on a trip!
say hello here so I know you missed me!
agh! final metion of horrific lab:
I didnt even have to do the part I've been working all week to get done! muuuh... at least I can relax now... heh.
my hugs are back and multiplying! thank you!
I have found, much to my happy surprise, that writing letters to people far away during those few (*cough*), dare I say, boring mins of class is the perfect past-time! I just take out a peice of graph paper (yes, graph paper screams letter writing to me for some reason), write: "Dear ______", and I'm off! a whole day's worth of entertainment, a tiny creative project that I love to finish and then send off to be recieved by those lucky ones. so far it has worked quite well. let us not dwell on the fact that I started doing this yesterday.
** the reason my jokes are gone along the side is that xanga changed their security settings and now the website I was using for them is not recongnized... we shall see if I can find anything else to fit there...
I've almost moved past this horrific lab. "and then goodbye [mousetrap]!" ah, I'm sensing that pretty soon half my lingo is gonna be yente quotes and bloopers... watchout and stay away!
yesterday, I was kinda sad while walking to lunch. this meant my head was cast down in the "I'm sad" position. as I silently brooded and half listened to Priya's chipper conversation, two boys walked by. one of which who, as he passed, reached out, pet my shoulder, and said "look at this pretty little thing".
alright! I get it, I'm not ugly. oki! yes! I'm short! now. I have one question: who was that boy?
Much to my dismay, due to my head's downward position, the only clues I have are:
a) a puffy white jacket
b) he was black (not like bad or anything - for all my friends who like to make silly racist jokes - ok for my like two friends who like to make those jokes)
to sum up: random guy pet me in the hall. creepy. and yet I felt better by the time it sunk in and I had entered the lunch room. thank you random guy.
w.t.f. I had like 300 hugs! AND NOW THEY ARE ALL GONE! my hug thingy doesn't love me... < tear >
Yente of this play:
~ sure I've done it before but I still like her
~ and she gets to be a clepto!
~ loud and obnoxious - something I'm inately good at
~ every audience member loves her... but can you imagine living with her?
~ actually a really good part to be given seeing as my director was that character herself and would want it done well
~ I know all the lines... still retained from 8th grade... today I was given one new line! I've got it memorized already therefore, I'm soo good
~ sometimes I dont enjoy it like I think I should, but then drama has been like that most of this year...
~ gotta admit she lets me voice my less charming side that I hide within, I feel like I know her well - tho maybe it's just cause I've done it before
~ horray for singing her song an octive higher! insta-transpose, totally forgot I had sung it weird last time
~ I must stress the clepto... my teacup!
~ only real problem I have with it is that I worry about my voice. (shush ilex ) I KNOW my voice isn't bad, but it's weird in some respect. I've mentioned this before... so I worry maybe it's not good enough for an actual solo singing role
~ I feel so business like being her... like it's a job that I have to function within. I'm not sure if that's good or bad...
"Not every woman in the world is a Yente..." (heh - clepto )
*** oh goodness... here's where I hit my head in idiocity for I have recently learned that "klepto" is not spelled "clepto" < siiigh > muh.
some of you out there are gonna find this freakishly correct... please refrain from beating me over the head <3
Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor.
Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.
 |
We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...so you can respect yourself.
Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.
ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah, The 5-Night Stand, The Vapor Trail, The Bachelor
CONSIDER: The Gentleman, someone just like you.
Your ideal Middle-Earth parents are Faramir and Eowyn! Do you have any idea ho difficult it is to find pictures of your mom and dad together? Thats because Faramir usually holds the camera. Anywho, they are the prince and princess of Ithilien, which will naturally give you some sort of impressive title. Your uncle omer is the king of Rohan, so when you were little you actually got that pony you asked for. And a beautiful Mustang on your sixteenth birthday, too! Considering who your parents are, youll probably be tall and attractive. Your Middle-Earth mama is Lady Eowyn of Rohan. Shes one of the coolest women in the history of ever! She faced down the Witch-King of Angmar and his fell beast for her uncle, so you know she will do just about anything to protect you. She will probably teach you to ride a horse and use a sword and spear properly, not to mention letting you visit your uncle Eomer and aunt Ilrothiel all the time. Your Middle-Earth dad is Faramir of Gondor. He has a lot of official duties, but when he is finished for the day hel will spend quality time with his family. Faramir is very intelligent, so he can help you with your homework. If you are rambunctious it will probably remind him of his brother Boromir, so he lets you get away with an awful lot. Word of advice: don not mention your grandfather Denethor. Your dad doesnt want to talk about him. Also, insanity runs in your family.(Maybe you will get lucky)
Which Lord of the Rings couple would be your dream parents? Pictures and longish answers.
brought to you by Quizilla
niiiiiice... they are my faverites (from the book of course)
Oki! love physics. my teacher... he shows expression! < gasp > the wonder of it all! but seriously this is so much better for me *phew* tho I still have to wrestle the mousetrap thingy - eeergh.
huh, well I have no story - I think I"m going through one of those dry periods... in which I have little to give you.
so! I'll leave with nice insipring lyrics...
"I'm crossing that bridge
With lessons I've learned
Playing with fire
And not getting burned
I may not know what you're going through
But time is the space between me and you
There is a light in that window
Hold on, say yes, while people say no
Life carries on... "
(see below)
Wash Away
desolve
into that murky puddle
washing away within
sink
below the surface
where they can't reach
flow
beyond the worry
out to the
sea
26.42998% - Total Geek... something is wrong with this test... i got more then hannah*... something is wrong with me!!!!! but I want all you people to take it! take it! take it! you know who you are all my lovelys. hehe
*she messed everything up and retook it, however this now means the test may actually be valid.
PLEASE RATE
What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla
I had three days yesterday.
the first was boring and normal day at school... and yeah... eh, nothing interesting at all...
THEN I came home and got to hang out with my dad! that was great. I was sooo huggy... lol but twas needed by me and he felt loved too, so it's all good
and then the cotillion and priya's party thing. the cotillion could have had much cooler music, other then that it was fun. everyone looked great. priya's had good music and I ended up staying really really late, just talking and joking around. I actually seem to go insane when I'm tired. in more ways then one (shush you). but I laugh more - can you believe it?
so! yesterday was long and really fun! tada!
You are a human shadow. If a loved one needs you,
you are always right at his or her heels! Your
deep social connection with human beings
produces your qualities of genuine caring and
charisma. However, at times you are naive to
the true nature of your loved ones. Remember
that humans' gift of free will does not always
lead them in wise directions. But your essence
of love and friendship represent the other
precious gifts of humanity. Overall you are a
strikingly valuable and innocent being who has
a lot to give.(please rate my quiz cuz it took
me for freaking ever to create)
What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
yeah well... THERE's a surprise... but I don't think I'm as nieve as they think I could be... or innocent - pure yes, innocent I dont think so...
< siiiiiigh >... I'm in... a RATHER boring class, with hannah, if you can't tell from her xanga as well... busy work is the bane of my existance.
I really gotta start winning more chess games - I'm losing faith in my logic skills. hannah says I don't even have ANY. I guess that 23% (correction: 27%) "female dog" is really showing through... hannah wishes me to convince you she is beating me up at the moment. are you convinced?
anyway... yeah so I have nothing. half day - yayness, and dad tomorrow??? I hope that happens, and cotillion! yay. this week went by really fast. ah, those are always good weeks.
****
"you're gonna do just fine tonight, Bob"
"oh, well, thank you -"
"-and if there's an empty space, just say a line - that's what I like to do - even if it's from another show..."
~Waiting for Guffman
My Dad! is in Boston! like! right there! like... 30-45min away! wow! I'm so happy. I had no idea, this is a total surprise. and he's working of course, but he's gonna be free friday afternoon! and - me too! (even tho there's a dance and such - but I can keep my "getting ready time" to a way low) so I'll get to see him- maybe! and get a hug - maybe! and... perfect ending to today: the promise of tomorrow (or the day after as it may be).
good greif.
hard times.
now better times.
I'm back in control of myself.
and I'm hungry...
)who am I and what have I done with myself!?
I'm not what I expected myself to be when I got this big. I expected myself to be more... fairy-tale-esc. tho real life proves much more interesting.
wow! insane.
we made cara's site all pretty! it's so niiiice... (look at top name on list)
the thing that has been bothering me all week... has been postponed. now I have time to let it unfold. *phew*
I know I haven't been online! I've been hiding and busy.
NY this week! tues and wed. we saw Hairspray and Lion King. Hairspray was great! wicked dirty. so dirty. I was shunned beforehand by joe telling me not to be so narsty minded - and then we saw the play. whoa. I could never reach that caliber (shut up ilex). Lion King was good... but not thrilling. fabulous sets and costumes. the acting didn't excite me too much. and they kept clearly having space fillers for the times they were changing sets. so I was distracted from the play by it the whole time. plus I knew the story... by heart... line for line. 'cept for the weird random stuff...
we stayed at the sheraton. I had ilex, judi, and molly. which was cool cause I never get to talk to these people. some eye openers.
bus rides were long but I loooove traveling. and... food was good... that which we ate - tho the mcdonalds seemed to have all collaborated with the mission: no mcflurry for Carrie. I seriously tried three different restaurants at three different times in those two days only to end with nothing. NO mcflurry for me. so I got one today. my mommy's great.
tiz all for now. I shall think of other stuff later. much love! wave to cara! she's sitting next to me.
agh! I haven't updated in forever! I'm sorry! I went to NY and had a great time! and I'll give reveiws and tell more later...
well we didnt' move on, but we were being annoyingly stuck up about it, so I"m not that crushed. next year hopefully we'll have that innocent hope again.
I have really not been interested in desserts lately - I dont know why. tho they are good when i get around to it (just fyi if you were dying to know)
last note of the night: cotillion is gonna be oodles of fun. and I love you peoples - with no exageration.
alright guys - I hope tomorrow is good. and I HOPE I'm not too tired because CLEARLY I'm up too late tonight. but it was fun. and I have alot of great friends. and... why would I be hated!? I'm so confused - oh don't protest, I'm allowed to have one thing that I dwell on for too long - shush you.
ah, well - 4:00am in the morning tomorrow... and I just realized I dont have a ride... < panic >
You all are marvelous.
mom is happy. yayness! I keep smiling and laughing when I go see her site with you commenting. she's just gotta be the coolest. I've trained her well. I'll help her with the pink and un-finished prettyness this weekend... I think...
but then... competition is this weekend. I have finally found my place in this show. I have something to do during the whole 39:22 min... cutting it close. that was the last count of today. 40min and we're disqualified, but Donna isn't worried at all, so it's all good.
other news on today: I completed a playlist that holds so many of my fave songs I can't move from the comp for the love of it once it has started playing. I fear this is a dangerous thing I have created. exactly 79 min long. I shall be stationed at the comp for 79min increments from now on I suppose...
Currently Playing: Guess...
You're Love in the Time of Cholera!
by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff could get you killed.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.
ha...hahahahaha....ha
more advertising for mom's site: now she suggests e-mailing her so you can ask her stuff or talk to her or anything. have at it! she'd be phsyced.
watched family videos today. ah yes. it is times like these when I realize just how much time I've spent with these people. tiz all good. I got to hear my voice as it lost it's boston accent... never noticed that it did that in the movies before.
I dont know how I made it through this week. and I dont have any idea what's gonna happen to me by the end of the year. wish me luck for it. I'm gonna go sleep. always a pleasure.
BTW! I actually took a pencil! and like drew something! drew something good! can you believe it!? I can say that it's all Ilex's fault - cause I was thinking of her while I did it, and it feels like her style.. .but I hope she likes it anyway! I'm so proud.
Doodeedoodeedoo... FYI guys, my mother has suddenly realized today that signing up for Xanga meant she actually had a blog spot to work with... silly person. so anyway she's gonna be playing around with it and demands me to advertise for her. I dont know what's gonna become of it - she works her tail off anyway, but she was happily fiddling with it this morning. not that she knows what she's doing yet or anything... hehehe, she's gonna eat me.
...and yes, ilex, it does look pink - she requested "lilac" but sadly... it was a pink shade of lilac.
I want a kitten.
actually, that was to be the end of my story - but for added emphasis I suppose it can go first.
yesterday, Ilex, Matt, and I went into Boston. In which we met up with Caitliin and Shannon - yay! we just kinda wondered around Coply, the Pru, and Newberry. and it was fair weather - I didnt freeze and I was just wearing my sweater (best in the world btw).
I had a good time, but I was kinda subdued after like the first hour. just a quiet pressence. twas oddly not like me. but I wasn't upset or anything. then on the way home I was really childlike and giddy... MORE so then usual. lol... dont give me that look. it was nice to spend all that time with them. once again my fave part of going places is the act of actually going. traveling rocks.
then while matt was driving me home, he asked if I'd like to help him bring in the hourses at his farm. who am I to pass that up. it felt like being at camp. well... it smelled like it but it was so not bad. I brought in three of them and played with the cat while waiting for the other ones. actually I really really needed that boost to remember camp. made me feel connected. and that cat was great - came back every single time. Now we see why I want a kitty?
that was my day yesterday. it was a good day.
Hey you! guess what! I've figured it out! I'm waiting for a guy who accredits the same amount of his goodness and love to God as I do. Then I will be able to know that he will not falter because human love can never last forever, but God's love just rocks the universe on and on. NOW I can have pacitence! booya.
*cough* hey people - please note when these are protected...
darn it! vacation's almost over... so quick. too much stuff happened - vactaion is supposed to be the time of nothing. no, my whole life hasn't changed or anything, but I'm telling you, I cant seem to get this thing planned! everything I dream up... is squished/tweeked/mutilated/and eventually replaced... ah... how fun!
Youre a wise Elf! Elves are fair and beautiful and
yet very wise. They are immortal but can dye
from a broken heart or die in a war. Elves are
respected and love peace and tranquility.
What Magical Creature are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
this is silly I know. but I'm actually in a deliemma. and it's because I haven't been writing anything down so everything is just a mess in my brain.
kartik - passionate and all, almost had me convinced... but I dont really believe him anymore do too the other night. when he comes back who knows if he'll treat me the same or what
kevin - wtf, where did that one come from. true, I'm not an idiot, I saw attraction, but I didnt expect real intrest, not enough anyway. nice kid. republican. scary how he dances at me.
nate - gone by sunday. couldn't date him anyway, drugs and all. really like him tho. totally willing to have a crush if I could. but i can't... siiiigh
dan - heh, gotta be kidding... nice kid, alittle confused maybe, but nice. sex is a big deal. just looking at options
by myself - get to go and have fun with no ties to anyone. thing I'm kinda upset about is that kartik wont get to be there to dance with... where did that come from... but it's true. I dont really want to go to a dance with all just my grade... but then i'd have fun I'm sure and there would be people there to dance with. in any case that seems the safest course. tho I'm worried that I'll say no to kevin and then developments with kartik (who am I kidding - I was just so convinced! but now I'm not... so it's not a good idea) and then I'll say yes... < thinks >actually... what if I said yes to someone else... that i didnt even think of or whatnot.
four is not that much...
going by myself seems like the best bet... and maybe I could still bring someone as not a date and say that they wanted to go or something - I'm not saying I'd lie, I'm saying that if I say no to kevin then I can still invite someone if I think they would enjoy it...
so by myself it is.
I'll promise kevin a slow dance.
*** pictures! agh! then I'd want to take kartik if I trusted him... we're going for looks here lol and we both know he's cute. maybe I can just tell him that - it would boost his ego... looks wise and would show that it didnt mean like anything. lol...
You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're mad. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
...ok it was a toss up on one question and it totally changed the outcome... but I didn't like that pic as much
You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing,practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
Corporate Personality Test
they like me! they really like me!
Quiz that hannah had me take: I got ENFJ
ENFJ Profile
The Teacher Style
quiz at: Online test based on Jung - Myers-Briggs typology
YELLOW MOONS: If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her/his needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the yellow moons out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.
Lucky Charms
PEOPLE!
** I'd like to clearify that that was a howl of frustration because most people really are great, most all, usually all, and they so often decide they aren't for reasons that deffinatly don't outweigh the good. and so I howl.
How Would YOU Take Over the World?
Take the test, by Emily.
this probably says much more about me then I'd like to think...I really don't know why I have so much insite on stuff. I mean here I am again - having just like unloaded all this fabulous perspective changing advice out of shear love for a person - and I'm left feeling... well useful I guess. I like that feeling. of having a purpose, of working with someone open and responsive, of making a difference for the better, of being sure it's for the better, basicly of feeling God's messages expressed through me to help another. it envigorates me.
and it bounces back too. I finaly understand things now I didnt' before. I can tie up lose ends that were still tickling the base of my mind, I can reflect on how I really feel on a subject as I make sure I'd never give advice I wouldnt follow. not to mention connecting with people. always something new, unpredictable, yet not surprising. fabulous puzzles each and every one of us, especially in how we all are connected. I am in awe, I suppose, at these times when the connection seems so clear, present, and protecting.
An interesting day. My life has been escalating in pace recently - both at home and out. seems like many more things happen everyday then there used to happen in a week. ie: today I went to church, had a deep conversation, had a friend come for a moive, went out on errands, hung out with people, and still managed to spend time with family... lots and lots of stuff.
btw... I now have much more room for new CDs when it comes to storage *cough* hint hint *cough* feed me music! I need more!
I feel all grown-up. Today I saw a friend from camp in Boston. it was awesome. I just hopped on the train and rode on in. then we had lunch at the CA Pizza Kitchen, went around the prudencal, walked up Newberry street, walked along the river, walked down Newberry street, walked back around the mall to get gifts for her friends, and I said goodbye, hopped back on the train and came home! the world is my oyster. I can go places all by my lonesome
it was really great to see her tho. like a little taste of camp - and I love it so much. She was great to talk to, a fresh perspective on all the little issues. and she was very nice about my dragging her to a store I really like... she said she liked it... I now possess three new shirts and a cute hat - all at a great value of course
family is good
friends are good
guys are good
weather is better
school is eh
rehersal is tiring
vacation is next week
shower is needed
hugs are overwhelming
clothes are cute
time is slipping by
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Extreme |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Low |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Low |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Very Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Low |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Low |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
I am just an extremely boring person... all nice and good... eh... so be it
peoples! guess what! my mousetrap-car moves! like across the floor, like totaly to the other side of my room, like doesn't not move! booya. I rock. oki... um...
quick look on my inside life: oki , I know I've been kinda closed off lately, but it's a good thing. it means I'm working things through and i'm not so flustered and looking for answers. I'm in my "found answers letting them sink in" stage. talk to me in like a week - I should be almost through (tho I have NO idea how long this is gonna take *phew*) anyway, so it's all good. things are looking up. and, chya.
omg! finally! finally! finally! I'm so happy I'm crying... and I'm insanely jealous (NOT of him)! but I'm soo happy!
** no, I refuse to remove this... and no this was not something that happend to me - I am actually happy for someone else < gasp >
whoa... I just saw some other people's results... and I realized I've taken that quiz before and gotten a different answer... it's in the back entries somewhere... oops and weird.
it's late! I'm going to sleep - tell you about it tomorrow...
doop-dee-doo
a whole hour cut off of school... yaaaaay... right. but then set in the bordom. ah well tomorrow promises to be a full day. 6:30am - 11:00 at night... eeka, I'm going to bed in three hours so I can at least think I've slept in.
four people have told me I'm intriguing in the last week. I find that fact interesting as well. However - on rather the same note, I dont think I'm as confusing as people make me out to be. I change topics alot... but it's not like i forget what i was talking about before. fast paced switching, tiz what I do. it's not that confusing if people are used to it... anyway...
Aphrodite/Eros
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
looking... lol but hey I'm in high shool right?
Lily: you should see my face right now
Me: dont hit me
Lily: it's like, askance
Me: the "stop reading my mind I hate you" look?
Lily: uh-huh!
Me: we collect male pronouns
Lily: i'm being a girl
Lily: i shoud stop
Me: I understand
Me: we must be more manly!
I seem to travel in zones...
I possess five pounds of twizzlers - life is good.
other then that... eh... ttyl
mmm... I'm dizzy.
oki... here's how it went...
*at 7pm ilex, lindsy, sarah and I all crowded into sarah's house with 13 bags of props and actors, and some essential food items (twizzlers, pizza, brownies, chips - etc.) we began by writing random sentences on little slips of paper. such wonders as "why is there lipstick on the sky light?" and "you sit on that stool until the dingy thing goes ding!"
* we selected the ones we liked, formed characters and went downstairs to write a brilliantly funny play. I could have sworn we were writing one too! until 3 in the morning... when we all noticed... that the play was horrible. no plot. no point to the charcters. and alot of funny incoherrent parts.
*so we did what anyone else would do right? we watched an episode of will and grace. and from 4-5 we laughed hystaricaly at the cheesy jokes, and pointless randomness.
*at five I grabbed the script and started just crossing things off. whole pages were erased. I had the girls write the beginging again while I struggled to come up with a reason for each of the characters within the newly established plot. when i had finally done this (5:40am) I went to sleep. a good 40min I suppose - within which the girls say I reacted and "contributed" to the writing of the script - not very well I might add.
but! we made it! and the script has a purpose! AND the characters have the potential to be developed! thankyouverymuch. our directors really like it - tiz very funny. I'm excited! it's going on at 7 tonight. and i really liked working so closely with people I dont normaly. I feel connected at the moment. I hope I can keep this feeling.
watched a friend grow
hugged alot of friends
made a new friend
crossed the line of good friend with another
called a friend for the first time on his birthday
plan to call another on his birthday
re-established ties with old-ish friend
declared wish to know another possible friend
all in all I have been sufficantly friendly today if I do say so myself.
Google Search: eldriyal - sweet
oki, guys. i got much to be happy about. and little to be unhappy about. so I'm happy. granted not that life-is-absolutely-amazing happy, but life is pretty darn good with the given ups and downs happy. and that's fine with me.
stuck in sims! stuck in sims! I got a cat and a dog and I house and a garden - a garden! eh! I never thought I'd have a garden! I'm trapped.
ok... so lots of people go through the same stuff I go through. I have to admit, it is good theropy for myself to help other people with the same troubles. I figure what I know is true for them, must be rather true for me right...? Eh, I'm getting there. I'm doing the whole dissmissing thing - but this time it's healthy. in this case dissmissing means I can focus on stuff more logicaly. yaaaaay.
yup so continuing this trend: < shrugg > oh well
when it rains it pours... < smiles weakly >
***
hey, buy me a cat. < another smile >
I really wish I knew who those two people were who keep flooding stuff, it's not like their IP numbers arent' all over their comments... note to self: people do not think like you do
...this could be a good or bad thing. often I find it gives me an advantage over people. but just as often it causes me much greif as I inturpret things incorrectly. I guess it makes life interesting. weird people. why do you guys think the way you do!? I think the best way! just do that!
I went to help build the set... but we really didnt' do much until 12, which is when i left. I managed to paint a door and a few signs - fun fun.
I've lost ilex. off the face of the planet. I dont know where she went. I figure I'll find her under my bed at some point. silly person that she is. as for my non-named friend (henceforth to be called lily)... I have learned through her that it does horrible things to my head (in the form of dreams) to spend two hours thinking of her or anyone else's crush. < shudder >
my site is colorful. I have noticed this. I'm a color hound. lisa - frank style. chya.
as for my day? twas alright. cant' really remember what I did - but it was a day one, and that's my good day, so, behold, it was good I'm sure. I got the highest grade on my math midterm in the whole CP-1 department. it's been a long time since I've felt accomplished in a math class - rock on regular classes! pending on physics and latin... heh...
tomorrow is friday... it snuck on me all too pleasently soon. I shall look forward to this day leading to my weekend. I have to go to the bookstore, lately I have been sadly obessed with my own thoughts and no way of escaping to the land of books... get me out of here!
had a really really really really good day.
was upset a bit at first. but derek refused to leave so I got to rant out my problem. it was great. then I prayed for a good 55 min if not more!! heeey, if you're stuck being an eagle for that long with NOTHING to do other then sleep/look around/ and nip people, might as well do something productive right? I felt soo good after it. < does alittle dance >
I also got to try on my body suit today... it's grey and has a lining - thank goodness. it really isn't nearly as embarassing or as uncomforable as I thought it would be. not that I'm used to it or anything. I dont know how I make it through summer dressed in less then that... the heat must do something to my head. dont you get any ideas.
I think I scared the heck out of Susan by calling her. I figured it would be a good idea to do so... we havent' talked with our voices since camp...
oki! sweet dreams! (well when one actually goes to sleep)
oki... hannah didn't tell me! but then kartik gave me a way out. and then I also went to the mall with edwin jason and mark... so it's all good. now I'm watching The Core with brent and family. maybe I did do more today then I thought...
but hannah!
aw man... when ever I start doing reserach on graphic design stuff... I'm so happy! and excited! I read their things for new people and they sound so welcoming - it's just... yay! I can actually do this! give me a good school and some time... I'll get there. < contented sigh >
um... I have no thoughts...
I can say that - much to my surprise - I may actually be ready for my acting final tomorrow! bwahahahahaha! I win.
SM - says hi
alright! link managed to find a fabulous quiz - and i like the out come (as "already taken" as it may be)
You are The Cabin Boy/Galley Wench
You, me lad, are an activist! You will not only change the world, you will make a dyed-in-the-wool Pirate dream of you in a sheep costume. You are the embodiment of the love that dare not hoist its sail! Ahoy thar! You could make a two-patch Pirate turn his head - but then he would lose sleep over it and what good would that do anyone? An innovator, you are WAY ahead of your time - and everyone else's. You are sensitive and artsy-fartsy. You say things like, "artsy-fartsy" but there is always a slight giggle in your voice when you say it - like Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares delivering a staggering punch line. Speaking of "punching" the only "punching" you would do is punching up that outfit with some accessories - say, a little bandana and some glass beads. You're not the Pirate we want in a fight, but we want you there for the crying game that follows! You go, girl.
What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!
horray! I feel happy - oh so happy. (awww I don't get a piture!)
fun little free day - did nothing but eat and slouch around, I'm such a teen.
qoute heard today: "Life's full of mysteries. Consider this one of them."~Babylon 5
Good Sunday School today - I really like the kids in my class and my teacher (have I said that before? )
Continuing the movie reveiwness I embarked on yesterday: Manchurian Candidate is a freaky/creepy/disturbing movie no matter how many times one sees it. I have a hard time with loveable Ms. Fletcher being a creul power-hungery pshyco - if only because she does it so well... eeka.
Mid-terms are this week... yaya. and now I have to go finish cutting down my paper to three pages. ( I didn't know it didnt' have to be so long!)
***
brilliant! score one for smaller margins! I'm in a really good mood... but why? 
***
well maybe it was the foreknowledge that there is no school tomorrow! hah! horray for construction people cutting a water main! ha! ha!... I'm still gonna get woken up at 6:30 am tomorrow tho due to lack of telling mom... ah well...
My mom got me an issue of Communication Arts - it's sooo good. this is now the second design magazine I've fallen in love with.
Sliding Doors is a great movie. everyone gets hurt... people are jerks... earings fall off... trains are missed... people don't finish dialing... it rains... jeez a main character dies for goodness sake! and still there's a happy ending. still! Sliding Doors is a great movie.
it's much later then it feels... where did my day go?
)I feel itchy. I wanna be grownup and out. really. and I know about the responsiblities and such... but who wouldn't want to get paid for their faveorite thing in the whole world? and a family... etc.
eh... I'm just feeling the stress of a teenager I guess. and I've been secretly anti-social lately. secretly in that noone knows that I don't really want to be social. yeah I'm weird. anti-social but needing people or else I'm still poopy. catch 22. I should maybe read that book. blagh - back to physics guys. sorry I havent' been all that interesting lately.
Heaven: You are a true angel. You are destined to
move on to a place where there is no evil, just
people as beautiful and pure as you. Graceful
and classy, an angel like you has wonderful
things ahead! (please rate my quiz)
**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
aaaah... well... thanks!
brought to you by Quizilla 
You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anythind
cheesy look really good (like sliding down
stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing
pointy ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
they make it sound so deffinate...
siiiiiigh - I tried to write yesterday but I got in a bit of trouble, so I just closed the window and didn't finish.
goodness I have nothing I really want to talk about... I've been tired lately. though so has everyone else so I won't complain. hmm... try www.isketch.net sometime... that's my link for today. it's fun. you just sign in with whatever sn you want and dont need to put a password. enjoy!
oki! I did it. and now I can relax.
eeka - here comes the school work. jeez I love vacation.
that's it for now! they've been short lately I know.
gtg hang with family.
Um... had a nice afternoon with Cara. We both leaned on each other for a while talking abouts such things as... well guess. duuuh. and then we looked for pretty dresses online!
the dress I fell in love with, and the link to some other absolutely amazing ones
Night breaks. My heart could not ache anymore. Am I that easy to ignore?
~Sixpence None the Richer
HTML Goodies (but maybe not the home page) - ooo I'm so excited to learn! who knows what I could do then... hmmm? 
'twill also serve as a productive distraction from the rest of life for a nice long while. yay!
hey! I'm not a horrible person! thank God! really!
ok... that only took me... like... four hours to realize...
thanks guys.
oki, now I'm dissapointed... I wasn't before. <quietly cries just alittle bit>
